Peeps season, pictures, and some other stuff

It occurred to me yesterday that Easter is in less than a week and I haven't yet consumed a single Peep or Cadbury egg.  Don't worry, it'll happen, and the delay is not because I've become some kind of sugarless health nerd, I've just been trying to finish up the Christmas and V-Day candy, Girl Scout cookies, and other sugary snacks hanging out in our kitchen.  More importantly, my old ass still makes my parents get me an Easter basket or 2 every year so I'll be getting the goods in just a few short days and I'm really excited to see what kind of new Peep technology is out there this season.

I will, however, pour one out for the Shamrock Shake I never got around to consuming this Sham Shake season.  I tried 1+ times to acquire one but apparently the 24 hour McD's doesn't do desserts at 2 am.  NONSENSE.  The fact that I get legit sad over things like missing the window for a Sham Shake is exactly why I'll never be skinny.   

Now that it's been a year and 11 days since I had surgery, and because the doctor wants to revise the ab scar, I figured I'd share some updated pics.  You can see in the first pic that the scar is less flat/faded on the right side and the skin on that side juts out a bit more, but in the second pic when the scar is covered it's not really noticeable.  Still, if I'm going to be knocked out and sliced open anyway, I'll defer to the doctor's judgment on that.

Isn't it funny how I would never in 100 trillion years post half-nudes of myself on the internet if not for having surgery (I'd just sext them to randos on Snapchat like everyone else) but doing something like this makes the whole thing seem more scientific and so I just don't care enough to feel self-conscious.  Although if there's anything I should feel self-conscious about, more than my imperfect body parts and my scarring it's my horrible selfie faces when I'm trying badly to act nonchalant.  But that's neither here nor there.

And so while we're at it... here come the really questionable pics.  The "before" thigh pics.  I feel somewhat more defensive about this surgery since a few people have expressed concern or skepticism about me having another procedure.  Even though I've explained to everyone 4700 times that it's really all part of the same issue, excess skin from weight loss, and this is the last piece of the shitty puzzle, if the puzzle was being sawed open and removed and sewn back together.  I don't think that's how puzzles work but you get the gist.  Anyway, I feel fairly confident that I don't have body dysmorphia or any kind of weird self-esteem of body image issues.  I'm pretty objective and know what's what.  For example, I generally find myself reasonably bangin and I've got some nice parts.  However, I think that reasonable objective minds would also agree that my thighs, particularly the upper inner thigh region, have some excess skin/fat that kind of leaves them a bit droopier than everything else.  Sure they might be improved a smidge if I lost another 10-15-20 pounds, but some of that is just skin from being stretched out, etc.  And losing weight is the hardest.  So anyway, here in all their excess-skinned glory, are my current thighs:

I think with the last surgery I at least felt a moment of hesitation and anxiety about posting the before pics, but now that I'm a seasoned veteran and have literally posted pics of my body with blood and gore-filled drain tubes hanging out of my incisions (TMI much?) it's like whatever, my thigh fat is nothing at this point.  As you can see, when my legs are together the upper thighs kind of just collide at the top (what's a thigh gap??) but when they're spread further apart you can really see how much extra skin there is.  Pictures don't totally show it, but that upper inner pocket is just much stretchier and looser than any other part of my legs, so I don't think that would go away without surgery.  Sure, I could live out my days and years with that there and would be fine.. I don't get rashes or anything fortunately.  But, I would like to rock some shorts and not feel self-conscious about that area, and now seems as good a time as any to do it, so then I can be done with this shit FOREVER.

So, there you have it.

Summer would be a terrible time for plastic surgery.

As usual, I really hate the month of August.  It's kind of like February, the last(ish) month of one of the more extreme seasons and I'm over it and ready for the next one.   The world doesn't need another basic bitch spewing excitement over her love for the upcoming fall season, but suffice it to say I could spew for days.  Aside from boots and pumpkin spice lattes, I'm just bored of the heat and bored of the summer and bored of summer clothes, and based on this list of complaints, my life is clearly too hard.

I was going to post surgery update pics at the 6 month mark (which really, at this point who cares, but indulge me) but it's been a minute since I've posted anything so figured I'd do like a 5-month and change pictorial update to demonstrate how things basically look the same (OK so I might be up about 6 pounds, sue me) and it's hard to really say if there has been much progress with the scars.  If I was better at lighting and taking pictures I might be able to get a better idea of scar progression but I'm not so I can't.  These are from yesterday, 5 months and 5 days tummy tuck and arm lift, a clear indication that I need more things to do on a Sunday.

 

Good old scar view.   The left side remains much thinner and lighter than the right side which the doctor reopened.

Just me taking selfies like an asshole.  But I'm so tan.

I think my results have pretty much leveled off at this point which is good/normal, and I only rarely experience noticeable swelling around the incision.  Per my doctor's instructions, I have been trying to wear and arm wraps and some kind of compression garment around my stomach (sometimes the velcro thing I lived in for the first month, sometimes just Spanx-type of stuff) more often.  He said it will improve the results and the speed of scar healing.  It's hard when it's 95 and humid and wearing an extra layer of crap, or wearing long sleeves to cover the arm wraps, is massively undesirable, so I'm somewhat spotty with this, but to try to at least where those fuckers to bed.

I really need to get my act together with eating healthily because I'm the heaviest I've been since before surgery, or was as of last Wednesday at least.  I've been having a good week but I need to string like, 2 or 3 or 6 good weeks together.  Most of my habits are good but the things I do badly, like make poor choices when I go out, continue to unravel the good.  In an effort to save money, but also to eat/drink more healthily, I'm trying to really limit going out to eat and ideally not drink more than one night per week.  

Here are this week's dinners:
One Pan Mexican Quinoa with Cashew Sour Cream
Bubble Up Breakfast Casserole
Slow Cooker Buffalo Pulled Pork ... kind of a variation of this but with less butter, and I'll probably have it in soft tacos.
Falafel Burgers with a baked sweet potato

I don't mean this is a subtle-brag kind of way (though I do love to brag), but it's kind of hard for me to change my habits when most of what I do is actually pretty good.  Like every single week, even the bad ones, I meal plan and cook and make healthy dinners and go to the gym.  But then I have those 2 or 3 nights a week that are extra bad that undo the good from the other days.  Of course, the obvious solution to changing my habits is to just like, not have 2-3 bad nights a week or just be less bad, or just shut the fuck up about it because I've been saying the same thing for years now and clearly not doing anything about it.  So, I'm not sure what my solution is, but I'm always trying!!  Maybe I will check in here more frequently instead of just when I want to post periodic surgery updates and pictures, because that certainly can't hurt right?

Vegas, arm scars and scorching sunburn

Vegas was a real good time, albeit chaotic due to the Mayweather-Pacquaio fight.  It was the first time I went long stretches of time without wearing the arm wraps or a compression garment or binder on my stomach, and I lived to tell about it so that's good.  I am still wearing those things most of the time, esp. when sleeping and at work, and will probably keep doing so until it becomes warm enough that I want to be able to wear short sleeves more often, but figure I'm far enough out that I can go without when fashion dictates.

I was a bit self-conscious - or maybe that's not the word, maybe aware is what I'm looking for? - of the arm scars since I was in strapless or sleeveless dresses all weekend.  You can see the bottom half-inch or so of the scar on each side by the elbow when my arms are by my sides, and I realized you can (obviously) see the whole scar pretty well if I put my hands above my head like to put my hair up, or when I'm dancing like a basic bitch.  I need to remember to take an updated picture later when I have the wraps off.  I generally don't find the scars too bad and they are a necessary evil with this surgery, but I think this weekend was the first time I remembered they're there.  The stomach incision, on the other hand, is totally covered by underwear or bathing suits or whatever else.

And speaking of, I DID IT, I wore not one but two bikinis for the first time really ever.  I had a couple of cropped tankinis when I was 18 or 19 that had more stomach exposure, and as a kid I had some basic kid-caliber 2-pieces, but still not like, full on.. so I feel like I'm going through some delayed development shit wearing my first real bikini at the age of 31.  I also did a shit job of applying sunscreen and missed various bits of my body including my entire chest, so I got a pretty funky burn, but all in all I was just happy to be able to rock my shit at the pool and not really feel self-conscious, at least no more than that usual quick moment of anxiety when you first strip your clothes off and you're not sure if you have a boob hanging out.  Anyway, here's a pic because, of course I took pics because I'm a vapid narcissist:

Like that red splotch under my belly button?  Apparently that area is crazy sensitive to sun.

I guess from here I'll mostly be winding down the surgery posts as there won't be too many updates, other than maybe just an occasional scar pic to show how they're healing.  I'm still doing MFP and even tracked my shit all weekend although it wasn't exactly a pinnacle of nutrition.  I'm hoping to eventually resume some other exercise in addition to running in the next few weeks.  So, life is pretty much back to normal at this point!

I'm a normal person again!

I’m now so many days post-op that when I refer to it in days I want to slap myself like when people talk about their baby being 32 months old.  But sometimes I hate saying “I’m 6.14159 weeks out…”  But so anyway, today is the 7 week mark exactly so that’s easy math.

More important than the weeks, I can do everything a normal person can do again basically!  I had an appointment with the doc last Saturday and don’t have to see him again until June, so that means he is OK setting me into the wild on my own to do things and trust that I won’t die, start seizing, exploding or pop anything, etc.  He said I could start working out again, lay out in the sun, and basically whatever the fuck I want, or something close to that.  He said to keep wearing some kind of compression on my stomach and arms because the more/longer I do it, the better the results tend to be, but left when and how I do that up to me.  So, I ordered some Spanx-y type stuff that is less bulky than my fug Velcro binder, and figure I will still wear something on my stomach and arms most of the time, but may start to reduce it a bit.

I also went back to the gym Monday and yesterday and I lived to talk about it!  Monday was pretty awful.  It actually wasn’t awful in that I expected everything to feel messed up, and like my body parts were going to fall off or my incisions would burst open, but surgery-wise I felt fine and totally normal.  But my lungs started burning for oxygen very shortly in and I only got through 13 minutes before I had to stop and walk, although I did do another 6 minutes after that and it felt better and less murderous.  Yesterday I did 23 minutes, walked for 3, then 4 more, and I didn’t really feel that close to death any of the time.  I did go a little bit slower than normal but all in all, I feel like eventually I will be back to some kind of acceptable physical condition.

And, I’m going to Vegas this weekend and bought bikinis to wear in PUBLIC and I’m not nervous about it.  What is this shit?!  We’ll see how it goes.  There is still a pretty noticeable difference in swelling from morning to evening, especially after I work out, but it’s not that bad compared to horror stories I’ve heard.  Or to the swelling abomination I was experiencing in weeks 2-3.  I’m actually really glad I took 90 million pictures constantly because yesterday I was looking back on pics from the last 7 weeks and it’s crazy to see how much the results have changed and morphed as my body has recovered and the swelling has subsided.  I even put together a collage that probably took more time than it should have but it’s helpful all the same.  You can see how bad the swelling got in the 3^rd picture and then how it finally chilled the fuck out a little after that, which is when the doctor opened me up to wash all the nasty out.  I’m not sure how much more it will continue to change from here, but I’m really happy with the results as they are so if it stays as is, it was SO worth it.  This just reminded me that I need to post more arm pictures soon.

I had my second recorded weigh-in today and was down 3 pounds from last week which is confusing and will not survive Vegas, but it was 5 pounds lower than my lowest ever which I saw for 5 minutes in February 2013, so the number was like, SHIT, is this happening?  I had a decent week but drank a lot on Saturday so I’m not really sure why I’m down so much, but I expect to see it back up a bit next week.  Will try to post again soon!

6+ Weeks Post-Surgery, My Fitness Pal, that's about it

I passed the 6 week post-op mark on Wednesday and have my next follow-up appointment with the doc tomorrow.  I still can’t probably fairly characterize myself as 6 weeks out since I’m still a bit more limited than others at this point due to the second procedure 3 weeks ago, but I’m feeling pretty damn awesome.  No setbacks at all since my last post or since the drain came back out.  I can sleep on both sides or even lay on my stomach which I couldn't do before.  I can walk around and reach stuff and be up and about and on my feet for major stretches of time and not want to die.  I can bone (you’re welcome for that).  I can eat normally.  I’m back to normal at work and can do court appearances.  And aside from not wearing a lot of short-sleeved stuff most of the time because I’m mostly still wearing my arm wraps, I can wear all of my normal clothes even over the binder.  I remember thinking not all that long ago that I would never feel back to normal again, and yet normal just kind of snuck up on me!

I’m going to ask the doctor a bunch of random questions tomorrow about my next steps from here.  Mostly I want to see if I’m cleared to start working out, though I’ll take that slow and ease into things like running and lifting, even if he gives me the go-ahead.  I've been able to start putting bio oil on my arm incisions (helps the scars fade) for the past 2 weeks so hopefully I can start doing the same on my stomach now.  I think I have to wear the arm wraps for another week or 2 (though they’re just to protect the incision and not for compression at this point, so sometimes I take them off when I want to rock the bare guns) and will be wearing the binder or some kind of compression garment around my stomach at least part-time for awhile still.  Everyone says the binder is hard to part with because it helps control the swelling and your stomach just feels naked without it.  It’s true!  It feels weird to not have that tight Velcro bitch on.  Even though recently I got gum all over it which is a long stupid story in itself but suffice it to say it now looks like someone died in that thing.  Luckily I just have normal swelling now, usually worse at night.  It will probably get bad when I start working out more intensely.  But even at its worst it doesn't feel bothersome and it still looks good.  And I still get excited every morning to see it looking all flat and shit.

I recorded my weight for the first time on Wednesday so that will be my new baseline weight I guess going forward.  It was down 10 pounds from my last weigh-in and 9 pounds from the morning of surgery, and is 2 pounds lower than the lowest ever which I hit for 5 minutes in February 2013.  So that’s coo.  I’m trying to be aware of the fact that in the month leading up to surgery, I was struggling a bit with my eating and on the highest end of my usual weight fluctuations, so I don’t want to think of the surgery as a free pass or a cure-all for any poor eating I was previously having.  I switched to My Fitness Pal right before surgery so that I could track my protein and sodium more effectively, but it turns out I like it so much that I think I might cancel my WW membership after 800 years.  I haven’t tracked on WW since before surgery and while I think both are equally effective programs/tools, I like the layout and function of MFP better and it’s also free and doesn't have major technical issues every 5 minutes like WW does.  It just feels weird to officially end my WW tenure.  But, I can always go back to it and I've been a much more diligent tracker on MFP than I had been on WW for quite awhile now, so I think it’s been a good transition for the time being.

I’ll post some new pics soon and hopefully update after tomorrow’s appointment.  Fingers crossed that the doctor is like, yeah girl, lookin good, do thefuq you want!  Or something like that.  I don't know if I should tell him I'm going to Vegas next Friday because I don't want him to yell at me.  And I might just inquire gently about getting my thighs done and see what that is all about, but that’s a different story for a different year.

Past the one month mark, KILLIN IT

So, the new drain came out at my appointment on Friday morning.  I had mixed feelings about that because of course I wanted that nasty sack of death out of my body, but it was also what helped me go from feeling like shit to being a functional human being again.  So, I was feeling pretty paranoid on Friday about how my body would adjust, and then Friday night the paranoia got worse when I noticed my body noticeably more swollen than it was that morning.  When I first heard of the concept of swelling after surgery I pictured something like bloating, like that blah stuffed feeling after a big meal, but it’s totally its own beast that I can’t really describe. The stomach feels hard and the skin feels pulled tight and it’s just an odd feeling. I should also add, my concerns weren’t aesthetic- I know that swelling is temporary and doesn’t reflect how I’ll look later.  Swelling is also totally normal but given how my body reacted to it the last time, I was mildly panicking that it was the beginning of the end.  Again.

Then I woke up on Saturday and it was exactly the day I needed to have and which totally validated my decision to have surgery.  Two weeks ago I was like, FUCK SURGERY.  Saturday I was like, should I get my tits done?!  I felt amazing and energetic, the swelling had gone down, and I was thrilled with how things looked when I took off my binder to shower. Here are some updated pics from Saturday morning. Aside from being very pleased with the shape, I can't believe how nice the left side of my incision looks (the right side is where he re-opened it to put the drain back in, so that will take a bit longer to heal). The random marks/discoloration are from the tape holding the gauze on which is a total bitch to get off, but I think all of the bruising is totally gone.

(Please don't judge the fugly underwear.  I had my mom get me some of the biggest ugliest underoos she could find, like legit grocery store 3-pack of Hanes briefs, to wear when I had the drains in.  OK fine, judge me anyway, I do too.)

I was already happy with how things looked but then had to press my luck further by weighing myself and was really excited to see that I was down almost 10 pounds from the morning of surgery. Some of that is probably from the skin removed and some of that is probably the result of not being able to overeat (and not going out to eat/drink for a month) so it may go back up a little bit now that I can actually eat and binge drink again, which I completely expect. I know I should avoid the scale for another couple of weeks since that money will fluctuate, but it still felt good to see. THEN, I decided to try on my normal jeans over my binder to see how that would go. I had tried on a pair of work pants a size bigger than my normal about 10-11 days after surgery and between the binder and the swelling, they were snug. Last week I was able to get back into normal work clothes, and then on Saturday my normal jeans were a little loose even with the binder on, so that felt amazing.

Anyway, I definitely went out and enjoyed myself way more than I have in a long time this weekend (i.e. drank all day and blacked out around 10 pm) so I’m pretty exhausted from that, but otherwise feeling very good and very excited about things.  Let’s hope it stays that way!

Day 29.. Holy shit it's almost been a month

I can’t believe it’s been almost a month.  Partly because it doesn't seem like that long ago but partly because in some ways I feel more limited and gimpy than I would have expected at this juncture.  But truthfully, I've been feeling so much better this week, even working full days all week, that it feels like things are good and hopefully will continue to get better.

Really my biggest limitation at this point is having a drain in.  It makes it kind of annoying to dress around because I need to wear a baggy/long enough shirt to cover it, though I could probably try more creative options for concealing it if I was so inclined.  I have my next follow-up with the doctor tomorrow morning and I’m hoping it comes out then, but if it’s still draining more than he wants, I have no problem with him taking a more conservative approach and leaving it in a few more days and avoiding a repeat of the last debacle.  It’ll just make my weekend wear a bit more challenging!  I’m planning to finally go out and socialize and see people and have a few-ish beers this weekend, and I’m doing that drain or no drain.

Anyway, in most other ways life is back to normal.  I've worn real work pants to work twice this week as opposed to just wearing leggings forever.  I've worn a baggier pair of crops in my current size and I’m currently wearing a pair of regular dress pants in a size up, but both have fit fine over my binder and the pants today have some extra room to give.  I imagine without the binder I’d be able to wear my normal stuff just fine, and probably could even with, but I want to be comfortable.  I’ve got enough layers on as it is. 

My curiosity also finally got the best of me on Sunday afternoon and I decided to weigh myself.  I’m glad I did it later in the day, after brunch, so that my expectations would be low and I really had no idea whatsoever what to expect.  I was down 7 pounds from the morning of surgery, but who knows if I will end up higher, lower, or right about that when all is said and done.  I was hoping/trying to wait 6 weeks before weighing myself so I’ll probably try to get to that point, or close to it, before weighing again because my body is doing so many weird things right now that it seems kind of pointless anyway.

I think my appetite is basically back to normal.  I’m still eating more boring meals but mostly because I have been trying to ease back into cooking since I’m a bit more tired at the end of the day, but I’m pretty close to normal.  I've also been sleeping well, and haven’t had any breathing/coughing issues since he drained the excess fluid to relieve the swelling.  I still feel like I’m several weeks away from any major working out.  I’ll probably start by walking on the treadmill or outside in another week or two, but running or lifting seems really difficult to fathom right now, so I’m not going to rush into that until I’m feeling good.  All in all, very few complaints!  Here are some pictures from Sunday.. a little bit of swelling but not too much, the hunchback is really sexy though.  Don’t look if the drains - or incision, or my existence generally - gross you out.

Going into surgery, I thought about the possibility of getting my thighs done sometime next year.  Then after the recent complications I was like, fuck this shit, no more elective surgery ever.  Now that I seem to be through the worst of it, I'm kind of like, well maaaaybeeeee.  And maybe a butt lift.  OK fine no that's too much.  Is it?  I'll revisit in a few.

Moving backwards, then kind of forward. I don't know. It's not really linear.

Things were going well, until they weren't. Last Tuesday (the 24th) I noticed that I had been having some majorly increased swelling in my stomach which I know is normal. I went back to work on Wednesday and that was the beginning of the end, work totally knocked me out but I went in again for about 7 hours on Thursday before going home and dying a slow death on the couch. Friday morning I almost passed out in the shower. Meanwhile, swelling had continued to get worse and it made it harder to eat and breathe normally. 

My doctor was out of the country last week so I tried to get in to see his partner last Friday but he was also not in that day, and I began feeling a little better. Saturday the swelling got worse and more painful and by Saturday night I noticed my stomach and upper pube area near the incision had turned dark red and Sunday morning I was peeing some blood so that's always fun. I texted the doctor who was still out of town but he called and looked at my pics and said it was a hematoma which is common and easily taken care of but would need to be drained.

So, this past Monday morning I went in to see him and he drained some of the blood/fluid right in the exam room using a needle in my stomach (which fortunately didn't hurt at all since my stomach is/was still numb from surgery) but said that because there was so much fluid he'd need to open me back up. So, that happened on Wednesday (with 2 really awful TMI days of non-painful but disgustingness in between) and he stitched me back up and now I'm feeling much better. Or more like, back to how I was feeling around day 12. Which is frustrating when you want to be feeling day 23 good. And I've got a drain back in, but honestly after the past week I'll gladly take that beast again.

Anyway, so that's been a bitch and I've had to use way more work days off than planned. On the other hand, my arms look and feel fantastic and the doctor said they've been healing really really well so I'm very psyched about that.  Here are some arm pics (right/top is from day 17, left/bottom is from today so swelling fluctuates some) and will update again soonish.

12 days post-op, feeling like a person-ish again

I've almost made it to the 2 week mark and I haven't recently split anything open, fallen on my face, or whined extensively so that, folks, is progress.

I'm going back to work on Wednesday which I have mixed feelings about.  I mean, my feelings aren't mixed on whether it's time.. I wanted to do 2 weeks off from the get-go, I feel well enough to go back on Wednesday, and everyone at work is sure as shit ready for me to come back and handle my cases again.  But as of Friday I was kind of like "yay, work! routine! productivity!  I'm ready for this!" Today I'm like "ughhh, do I really need to have a job?  Watching TV can be my job."  Anyway, second to last day of lazy relaxation and then back to the grind.  However, I got giddily excited when I remembered I can't go to the gym for a couple more weeks so my days will seem shorter and more manageable when I actually get to like leave work and go home every day.  That will help ease the transition for sure.

I made some major progress over the weekend in terms of feeling overall better, more mobile, and more independent in that I no longer need to sit down while showering and I've been sleeping in my bed.  I stayed at my apartment Saturday to Sunday then came back to my parents' house last night since they have comfier couches to watch TV on, but planning to go back home for good in a few days.  I'm about to go drive for the first time so we'll see how that goes.  Oh and I can now fully dress and undress myself so that was good for both my independence and my dignity.  The suggestion of hooking my bra in the front and then twisting it around to the back was life-changing.  Apparently some people do this all the time.  Mind BLOWN.

Anyway here is a little before-after pic thing I jerry-rigged up after way too much time on Microsoft Paint because I'm a simple-minded gal.  The first pic is the morning of surgery (before) and the second is from yesterday, 11 days post-op.  I need to take some better arm pics but they look pretty decent too so I'll get that up soon.  I still feel incredibly swollen in this kind of indescribable way.  Not bloated or full or anything, just like there's a stiff water bed in my abdomen.  Does that make sense?  I didn't think so.  Do water beds still even exist?  Who knows.

I did it!

I've typed updates about 47 times in the past few days but then never finish or post them.  I'm bored senseless and have all the downtime I'll ever have in life but can't manage to complete a simple task.  So that's helpful.  Even though I'm pretty sure my lone reader (HI MEG) is getting all of this info from me on g-chat or text on an hourly basis anyway.  I'll try to just break up my posts, thoughts, and other worthless musings by day.

Surgery day... Wednesday 3/11... had a terrible headache and woke up in the middle of the night with something resembling heartburn which was still making my chest/rib area sore the morning of surgery.  And I couldn't have food or water, so I was pretty cranky.  I'd actually go so far as to say that my headache/chest pain prior to surgery was possibly worse than any post-op pain I've experienced.  So, that's awesome in retrospect.  Had surgery, went into recovery, then stayed the first night at a hotel next to the surgery center with an overnight nurse with me, which was clutch.  I know these procedures are usually outpatient but my pussy-ass was not ready to go home yet.  I took percocet every 3 hours that first night but more preventatively and because my back was sore from the weird ass angle I was laying in bed than anything else.

Day 1 post-op/Thursday.  Went home, real dizzy and lightheaded so walking was a challenge.  Very little pain and only took a perc that night to fall asleep.  Bad news was while walking back from the bathroom I quasi-passed out and hit my face on the ground.  Luckily my reflexes are so pathetically slow that I didn't try to put my arms out to brace my fall like a normal person would do, which actually may have fucked up my arms.  Nope, just face-planted and cut my cheek on my glasses when it hurt the carpet.  Beauty and grace, people.

Day 2 was pretty uneventful, and then day 3/Saturday was a BIG FUCKIN DAY.  My first shower!  And I got to take out my catheter and pain pump fanny pack thing I was sporting.  Yes that's right, I was wearing a catheter until that point which was really sexy.  Honestly turned out to be a life-saver though because I was barely able to get up and down that first first day and a half due to being a wuss/light-headed.  Still, by Saturday I was bored of having not only 4 drains/tubes coming out of my person but also having a catheter and pain pump attached to me, so it was nice losing that baggage.  Oh but then like 2 hours later I split open my left arm incision and it was DISGUSTING.  Didn't even feel it but let me tell you, if you saw this shit you'd lose your lunch.  Some kind of body part material was hanging out of my arm incision.  I have pictures but they are not for the weak.  Anyway, I texted the pic to my doctor and he was like, you're a disaster, please come in immediately and I will stitch it up.  So that was a pain but it was cool that he was so accommodating, though he did lecture me about not being a douchebag and moving my arms too much.

Since then... not a whole lot of action but getting better by the day!  I had my first post-op appointment with the surgeon on Monday and he said everything looked good and was glad I hadn't re-opened any incisions again.  He took out my arm drains so my bodily attachments are now down to 2, but did note that the stomach drains (which, TMI, actually go into my upper vag area) are draining a lot of blood so they probably wouldn't be coming out for another week or so.  

So that's that, one week after.  I have my moments of frustration where I'm bored, antsy, or hate not being able to do a lot on my own, but otherwise the surgery and recovery have been WAY better than I expected.  I really thought the pain would be worse (maybe because I didn't have muscle repair it wasn't bad?) or that I'd be homicidally bored by now, but I can't complain. Since Friday, I've only been taking Tylenol for pain and even that I've only taken once recently for a headache.  Who'd have thought?!  I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and wake up with my body exploding in misery or something.  

I've taken some pics and I'm pretty pleased but I'll probably wait another few days or a week to post them because my shape seems to change a lot and is perpetually swelling and bruising and looking gross.  I texted a picture to my sister and she was like, seriously you're disgusting, no more pics until the drains are out and you're not painted with bruises all over your body.  Little bitch.  I'll update soon maybe!

Entering the homestretch to surgery...

Fuckin a, 15 days til surgery!  I’m actually entering the “do shit” phase of the pre-surgery countdown and officially stopped taking BC pills and vitamins.  I actually had to hide both because I'm in the habit of taking them every morning.  I guess abstaining from vitamins will be an easier task than abstaining from beer, but things to remember just the same.

I’m also officially at the stage of trying to plan out my next couple weeks of work to make sure things are covered when I’m out and pushing everything else until late March when I return.  Coming back after a couple weeks out will be god-awful and it's not as fun as a vacation, but unlike a vacation which ends, this will be something I can be excited about for.. ever?  And the results should look better and better as more time passes, so it's like the gift that keeps on giving.  I've also bought pretty much all of the random things I need for my recovery.  And of course, I've progressed to the point of talking everyone’s ears off about it which is the most obnoxious element of the lead-up to surgery.  Luckily my parents are very excited about it for me and are insanely accommodating with everything and taking care of me after.  I’m also forcing my friends to come visit me frequently to keep me entertained.  I’m sure I’ll be bored out of my damn mind but I’m also looking forward to all of the down-time to watch TV and relax and dick around online with minimal interruption. 

The last couple weeks have flown by with some fun distractions so that I've actually been enjoying my weeks rather than checking them off in an effort to get to March 11 as quickly as possible.  That said, I’m still ready to get to March 11 as quickly as possible!  I'm not nervous at all for the surgery or the pain or the discomfort.  If I'm being honest, my only real concern is being satisfied with my results.  I'm kind of trying to temper my expectations so that I'm not expecting to look like Adriana Lima when I wake up from surgery (wait, is that an option?  how much would that cost??) but I DO hope the change is dramatic.  Plus with much I've been boring my friends to death with my incessant chit chat about this, I want to look like a hot piece of ass.  Is that so much to ask?

Suffice it to say, the next 15 days will be a very excited and anxious and impatient countdown to the finish line!

Who doesn't like making lists?

I finally weighed myself last Wednesday after 3 weeks off and I was down 5 pounds.  I’m fairly content with that, I mean it’s 5 pounds after all and the last time I weighed myself was the morning of New Years Eve- I was surely higher by that Friday when I finally got my shit together.  I still felt mildly annoyed since 4 of those pounds were from the couple weeks before, and I figure if I’m going to be that solid with WW for 3 straight weeks that I should lose roughly 47 million pounds in that span.  It’s always hard to explain without sounding whiny and entitled but you know what I mean.

This week has been good also, insofar as I’ve tracked, worked out 4 times, had limited alcohol, stayed in my weeklies, etc. but I feel kind of puffy.  Clearly the universe is against me and I should just take down a Chinese buffet.  Or I guess I could just suck it up and be an adult about it and continue being healthy because it’s good for me and not because I need instant gratification from the scale right?  RIGHT?? 

Tomorrow morning I’m getting blood work done because I get it every 6 months anyway but also need it sent over to the surgeon before my pre-op appointment so it makes it feel more exciting than the usual run of the mill blood draw.  I’ve also started making a list of all of the things I need to get to have on hand after surgery, many of which are food related because food is my first and only true love in life.  A lot of them also involve combating constipation because apparently that shit gets real after surgery as a side effect of the pain meds and anesthesia.  I don’t remember that from previous surgeries so I’m hoping my body magically fights that off because, no.  Anyway, here’s my list so far:

- jello and pudding

- eggs and egg whites

- popsicles

- stuff to make smoothies

- fruit

- hummus

- soup and  broth but apparently you bloat like a motherfucker after this surgery so I might rethink this one

- Tylenol

- Arnica.. I don’t even know what this is but everything I’ve read said to get it and I think it’s good for scars?  I assume the doc will also tell me this stuff

- Palmer’s Vitamin E skin therapy oil

- all the gross stuff- milk of magnesia, prune juice, laxatives

- antibacterial soap

- ugly old person full butt coverage underwear (sorry but I just really don’t understand why these exist outside of medical use)

Then I also started making a list of clothes and stuff to bring over to my parents’ house, which is mostly just leggings, yoga pants, leggings and yoga pants.  And hoodies and stuff.  My dad just had hip surgery so he’s got some good gear for getting around when you're a disabled post-surgical disaster.  Though I keep forgetting that aside from my stomach, my arms will also be out of commish. Life is going to be a bitch for a few days, yeah?  I’m glad I’m having this thing in March when it’s still cold and I won’t be missing anything fun.

Can you tell I’m just really bored and ready for this surgery to just get here already?  January has flown by but winter bores me and it’s both exciting and torturous having this to look forward to near the end of winter.  Wednesday will be 6 weeks til the big day!

Updates, blah blah blah

I’m here!  Not even a week in between posts, someone give me a fuckin medal please!  More importantly, today is day 6 of **Allison’s 14-Day Purification in Which She Basically Just Follows WW without Cheating and Wants Recognition for It**.  Adding those asterisks before and after makes it a real copyrighted thing, didn’t you know?  To recap, I’ve tracked all my shit, been real stingy with my weekly points (just for 2 weeks, then I’ll go back to full throttle points consumption), not weighed myself, not boozed, and generally made good decisions.  Tomorrow will be my 4^th workout this week as pledged.  Some might say I’m a true American hero. 

It’s stricter than I’d normally advise being (at least for myself.. I can’t give up a lot of stuff all the time or I get sad) but it’s been a good change for a few days.  I’m eating all of my daily points, obviously, and eating tasty but healthy balanced meals (Turkey Chili Taco Soup, Mediterranean Quinoa Salad, Sweet Potato Breakfast Casserole, and Chicken Cacciatore) and just feel much better than I did a week ago.  Well I mean I felt really good when I was amped up on tons of champagne a week ago, not so good by Friday morning.  You know how it goes.  After that I’d like to still follow some of those principles but in a more moderate (lazy?) manner.

Surgery is officially moved up to March 11!  I thought about doing it even earlier but my skanky WW friend Kayla is coming to visit at the end of Feb so this way I can get the best of both worlds.  See, the WW message boards aren’t just good for recipes and weight loss tips, you also meet friends that you’re stuck with for life.  I would like to have this surgery tomorrow if that was an option so moving it up a few weeks is really exciting.  I’m getting blood work done on 1/27 and my pre-op appointment with the surgeon will be shortly after, so this thing is in motion now!  I can’t wait to watch 336 straight hours of Netflix during my recovery.

I took some slutty “before” pics in my underoos but will probably wait til after surgery or at least right before it to post them since I’d prefer to use them for comparison purposes.  So instead you can have my PG front and side pics looking awkwardly into the mirror.  You're welcome.

Not particularly helpful or glamorous but kind of shows the stomach and arms that I'm planning to have savagely severed from my body.  Hoping the next 9 weeks fly by!

One Hundred and Five Days From Now....

I’ve been a little slow on the updates because that’s the only speed at which I roll, but I was finally motivated to come post because… I SCHEDULED MY MOFO SURGERY!  Basically I will only care enough to update this blog when I have some kind of surgery-related update or something else that is entirely superficial and me-centric.

To backtrack a little, I had a second consultation with a different surgeon about a month ago but I didn’t like him.  I wanted to, because his office is really close to my work and to my parents’ house where I’ll be vacationing for the week or so following surgery, and I’d heard good things about him, but I found him kind of stand-offish and he spent a lot less time with me during the appointment than the first doctor.  Then I got too lazy to do any more consultations and I had such a good experience with the first one that I was like boom, it’s happening.  Talked to my boss about it, ran the scheduling by my parents, paid the deposit, and it’s on the books.  April 1, 2015.  I got all of the pre-op paperwork today, most of which I don’t have to do anything with until about a month out, but it was SO DAMN EXCITING!

As I think I mentioned, I’m doing arms and stomach.  Those 2 procedures can be done together and they’re really the most I can get done and still afford to eat.  And you know this bitch likes to eat.  Every time I do kickboxing in a tank top I’m like, I’m SO over these arms.  I want new ones!  Or just surgically sliced up ones!  In theory if I can lose 5 pounds or so before the surgery that’d be cool but I don’t know that it will matter much either way.  That was one of the things that annoyed me with the second doctor- he said my arms are basically just muscle and skin so there’s no more weight to lose there but that my stomach still has some fat (which, duh, I’m certainly no waif) and that he recommended losing 5-6 pounds before the surgery.  I mean, OBVS I’m trying to do that anyway, but the first doctor said it really wouldn’t make any difference, especially at my height.  So really, I liked the first doctor because he said the stuff I wanted to hear.  Clearly that’s good medicine right there. 

ANYWAY, I’ll definitely be taking some before pictures between now and April of the stomach and arms but TBD when I actually post them.  I want some comparison pics first!  I will try to update with any random thoughts I have about the upcoming surgery but really if I post ever again it’ll probably be about much stupider stuff like what I’m having for lunch or why I still hate running.

BYE FOR NOW.