Monday, March 23, 2015

12 days post-op, feeling like a person-ish again

I've almost made it to the 2 week mark and I haven't recently split anything open, fallen on my face, or whined extensively so that, folks, is progress.

I'm going back to work on Wednesday which I have mixed feelings about.  I mean, my feelings aren't mixed on whether it's time.. I wanted to do 2 weeks off from the get-go, I feel well enough to go back on Wednesday, and everyone at work is sure as shit ready for me to come back and handle my cases again.  But as of Friday I was kind of like "yay, work! routine! productivity!  I'm ready for this!" Today I'm like "ughhh, do I really need to have a job?  Watching TV can be my job."  Anyway, second to last day of lazy relaxation and then back to the grind.  However, I got giddily excited when I remembered I can't go to the gym for a couple more weeks so my days will seem shorter and more manageable when I actually get to like leave work and go home every day.  That will help ease the transition for sure.

I made some major progress over the weekend in terms of feeling overall better, more mobile, and more independent in that I no longer need to sit down while showering and I've been sleeping in my bed.  I stayed at my apartment Saturday to Sunday then came back to my parents' house last night since they have comfier couches to watch TV on, but planning to go back home for good in a few days.  I'm about to go drive for the first time so we'll see how that goes.  Oh and I can now fully dress and undress myself so that was good for both my independence and my dignity.  The suggestion of hooking my bra in the front and then twisting it around to the back was life-changing.  Apparently some people do this all the time.  Mind BLOWN.

Anyway here is a little before-after pic thing I jerry-rigged up after way too much time on Microsoft Paint because I'm a simple-minded gal.  The first pic is the morning of surgery (before) and the second is from yesterday, 11 days post-op.  I need to take some better arm pics but they look pretty decent too so I'll get that up soon.  I still feel incredibly swollen in this kind of indescribable way.  Not bloated or full or anything, just like there's a stiff water bed in my abdomen.  Does that make sense?  I didn't think so.  Do water beds still even exist?  Who knows.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

I did it!

I've typed updates about 47 times in the past few days but then never finish or post them.  I'm bored senseless and have all the downtime I'll ever have in life but can't manage to complete a simple task.  So that's helpful.  Even though I'm pretty sure my lone reader (HI MEG) is getting all of this info from me on g-chat or text on an hourly basis anyway.  I'll try to just break up my posts, thoughts, and other worthless musings by day.

Surgery day... Wednesday 3/11... had a terrible headache and woke up in the middle of the night with something resembling heartburn which was still making my chest/rib area sore the morning of surgery.  And I couldn't have food or water, so I was pretty cranky.  I'd actually go so far as to say that my headache/chest pain prior to surgery was possibly worse than any post-op pain I've experienced.  So, that's awesome in retrospect.  Had surgery, went into recovery, then stayed the first night at a hotel next to the surgery center with an overnight nurse with me, which was clutch.  I know these procedures are usually outpatient but my pussy-ass was not ready to go home yet.  I took percocet every 3 hours that first night but more preventatively and because my back was sore from the weird ass angle I was laying in bed than anything else.

Day 1 post-op/Thursday.  Went home, real dizzy and lightheaded so walking was a challenge.  Very little pain and only took a perc that night to fall asleep.  Bad news was while walking back from the bathroom I quasi-passed out and hit my face on the ground.  Luckily my reflexes are so pathetically slow that I didn't try to put my arms out to brace my fall like a normal person would do, which actually may have fucked up my arms.  Nope, just face-planted and cut my cheek on my glasses when it hurt the carpet.  Beauty and grace, people.

Day 2 was pretty uneventful, and then day 3/Saturday was a BIG FUCKIN DAY.  My first shower!  And I got to take out my catheter and pain pump fanny pack thing I was sporting.  Yes that's right, I was wearing a catheter until that point which was really sexy.  Honestly turned out to be a life-saver though because I was barely able to get up and down that first first day and a half due to being a wuss/light-headed.  Still, by Saturday I was bored of having not only 4 drains/tubes coming out of my person but also having a catheter and pain pump attached to me, so it was nice losing that baggage.  Oh but then like 2 hours later I split open my left arm incision and it was DISGUSTING.  Didn't even feel it but let me tell you, if you saw this shit you'd lose your lunch.  Some kind of body part material was hanging out of my arm incision.  I have pictures but they are not for the weak.  Anyway, I texted the pic to my doctor and he was like, you're a disaster, please come in immediately and I will stitch it up.  So that was a pain but it was cool that he was so accommodating, though he did lecture me about not being a douchebag and moving my arms too much.

Since then... not a whole lot of action but getting better by the day!  I had my first post-op appointment with the surgeon on Monday and he said everything looked good and was glad I hadn't re-opened any incisions again.  He took out my arm drains so my bodily attachments are now down to 2, but did note that the stomach drains (which, TMI, actually go into my upper vag area) are draining a lot of blood so they probably wouldn't be coming out for another week or so.  

So that's that, one week after.  I have my moments of frustration where I'm bored, antsy, or hate not being able to do a lot on my own, but otherwise the surgery and recovery have been WAY better than I expected.  I really thought the pain would be worse (maybe because I didn't have muscle repair it wasn't bad?) or that I'd be homicidally bored by now, but I can't complain. Since Friday, I've only been taking Tylenol for pain and even that I've only taken once recently for a headache.  Who'd have thought?!  I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and wake up with my body exploding in misery or something.  

I've taken some pics and I'm pretty pleased but I'll probably wait another few days or a week to post them because my shape seems to change a lot and is perpetually swelling and bruising and looking gross.  I texted a picture to my sister and she was like, seriously you're disgusting, no more pics until the drains are out and you're not painted with bruises all over your body.  Little bitch.  I'll update soon maybe!

Saturday, March 7, 2015


FOUR DAYS MOTHAFUCKAS!  Where have the last 6.5 months gone since I first daydreamed of this momentous occasion?  It’s coming at just the right time too because I’m massively in need of a day or 10 away from work, and it’s cold and snowy and I’m ready to have an excuse to not go outside. 

I’ve basically done everything I need to do at this point, and just did a big grocery haul to stock up on stupid healthy stuff to eat afterwards.  I really have no idea what or when I’ll be able to eat but I’m trying to stick to high protein and low sodium.  I apparently have it in my head that I won’t have teeth or the ability to chew because a lot of what I’m getting is along the lines of- smoothies, yogurt, pudding, popsicles, hummus, soup.  I mean, I guess that stuff is also easier on the stomach but I can probably branch out somewhat.  Apparently the swelling afterward is no joke so I’m really going to try to focus hardcore on watching my sodium.  Protein is to help your body heal or some such.  In my mind that means I should just eat like a pile of chicken breast for every meal.  It’s not like I have to be Atkins up in this bitch, so I’ll try to find some middle ground. 

I’ve also been getting all reflective and introspective about the surgery because I’m weird and like to zone out a lot.  I was mentally comparing this to my nose job when I was 19 and thinking about how much less thought I put into that surgery.  It was an easier recovery, for sure, but I also didn’t bother listening to much of what the doctor said or doing things to aid my recovery, and basically just let my parents take care of everything.  That all makes sense of course- I was just finishing up my freshman year of college and at a point in my life where I didn’t like doing adult things like making my own doctor’s appointments or paying for shit.  And whereas now I’m mapping out meal ideas for after surgery to aid in my recovery, back then I was excited at the prospect of not being able to eat for 4 days and losing a quick 8 pounds.  So I guess it’s cool that at the not-so-tender age of 31, I’ve become somewhat of an independent adult who is not a total dumbfuck. 

And even more weirdly, I’ve been having unexpectedly emo moments at the gym lately where I’m like, shit, working out is the one thing that I’ve been consistent at for a really insane amount of time.  I’ve been working out 3-4 times a week pretty much every week since February 2009 and I doubt I’ve gone more than a week without working out in that stretch, and even that is pretty rare.  Yeah, I’m fucking bragging, but I’m also having an unexpectedly weird sense of loss over the fact that I won’t be working out for like a month or more.  Like I seriously hate running and whine about it every single damn time I do it, but last night after I hopped off the treadmill I was like damn it’s going to be strange to not do this for so long.  And it’s going to suck hardcore getting back into shape after such a long break.  I’ve also probably used the reliability and consistency of my gym routine as more of a crutch than I’ve realized.  I guess crutch isn’t the right term since I generally think it’s a good thing.  But I started thinking about how many times I can vividly recall going to the gym after some kind of crazy or weird or bad moment in my life and trying to use it as a place to zone out or forget whatever happened that day.  I’m not saying it usually worked… most of the time I’d just get real mentally whiny about how much I just wanted the workout to end, but I definitely have made a habit of turning to a workout as a distraction when I needed one.  Anyway, I’m going to slap myself silly if I get any more emotional about exercise, so I’ll just leave it at that.  I know that I will actually really enjoy the break from the gym and though it might suck the first couple weeks back, I’ll build my endurance back up and all that fun stuff.

Ok I’m rambling, and I will probably ramble to holy hell in the hours and days and weeks of nothing I have post-surgery where I’ll be bored out of my mind and attempting to wax poetic about why plastic surgery makes me think about life differently or some shit.  So that’s what’s probably in store.  And I will post pictures very soon.  Maybe.