Monday, January 26, 2015

Who doesn't like making lists?

I finally weighed myself last Wednesday after 3 weeks off and I was down 5 pounds.  I’m fairly content with that, I mean it’s 5 pounds after all and the last time I weighed myself was the morning of New Years Eve- I was surely higher by that Friday when I finally got my shit together.  I still felt mildly annoyed since 4 of those pounds were from the couple weeks before, and I figure if I’m going to be that solid with WW for 3 straight weeks that I should lose roughly 47 million pounds in that span.  It’s always hard to explain without sounding whiny and entitled but you know what I mean.

This week has been good also, insofar as I’ve tracked, worked out 4 times, had limited alcohol, stayed in my weeklies, etc. but I feel kind of puffy.  Clearly the universe is against me and I should just take down a Chinese buffet.  Or I guess I could just suck it up and be an adult about it and continue being healthy because it’s good for me and not because I need instant gratification from the scale right?  RIGHT?? 

Tomorrow morning I’m getting blood work done because I get it every 6 months anyway but also need it sent over to the surgeon before my pre-op appointment so it makes it feel more exciting than the usual run of the mill blood draw.  I’ve also started making a list of all of the things I need to get to have on hand after surgery, many of which are food related because food is my first and only true love in life.  A lot of them also involve combating constipation because apparently that shit gets real after surgery as a side effect of the pain meds and anesthesia.  I don’t remember that from previous surgeries so I’m hoping my body magically fights that off because, no.  Anyway, here’s my list so far:

- jello and pudding
- eggs and egg whites
- popsicles
- stuff to make smoothies
- fruit
- hummus
- soup and  broth but apparently you bloat like a motherfucker after this surgery so I might rethink this one
- Tylenol
- Arnica.. I don’t even know what this is but everything I’ve read said to get it and I think it’s good for scars?  I assume the doc will also tell me this stuff
- Palmer’s Vitamin E skin therapy oil
- all the gross stuff- milk of magnesia, prune juice, laxatives
- antibacterial soap
- ugly old person full butt coverage underwear (sorry but I just really don’t understand why these exist outside of medical use)

Then I also started making a list of clothes and stuff to bring over to my parents’ house, which is mostly just leggings, yoga pants, leggings and yoga pants.  And hoodies and stuff.  My dad just had hip surgery so he’s got some good gear for getting around when you're a disabled post-surgical disaster.  Though I keep forgetting that aside from my stomach, my arms will also be out of commish. Life is going to be a bitch for a few days, yeah?  I’m glad I’m having this thing in March when it’s still cold and I won’t be missing anything fun.

Can you tell I’m just really bored and ready for this surgery to just get here already?  January has flown by but winter bores me and it’s both exciting and torturous having this to look forward to near the end of winter.  Wednesday will be 6 weeks til the big day!

Monday, January 19, 2015

Eating, the scale, and upcoming surgery shenans

My fourteen days of reasonable semi-strictness are over and now I’m trying to transition to being just kind of reasonable in a moderate way.  Whatever that means.  Setting goals is overrated.  I’ve decided I will probably weigh myself this Wednesday, my usual weigh-in day, after 3 weeks without to see where I’m at and then resume weekly WIs after that.  Or maybe every 2 weeks if I’m feeling crazy.

Timing-wise, I should probably still try to stay focused on healthy eating and working out and other stupid boring stuff for the next 7 weeks before surgery because I’m sure doing so will help my recovery.  I also won’t be able to work out for at least 4-6 weeks post-surgery and don’t want to think about what it will be like getting back into running and lifting shape after doing almost nothing for over a month.  Logic would suggest that if I keep up a solid gym routine until March 11 it will keep me in shape longer and make the transition easier afterward than if I start slacking now.  But trust me, it has crossed my mind that I should just start being lazy now since I’ll be terminating exercise soon anyway.  I’m an inherently sloth-like human being that loves dreaming of excuses to skip the gym.  Hopefully I can keep my lazy demons at bay for a little bit longer.

I’ve been having some conflicting thoughts on losing weight between now and surgery.  I mean let’s be real, I’m never NOT gonna wanna try to lose weight.. that’s always my end-game.  Which, as recent years has shown, doesn’t mean it happens.  And as I mentioned in an earlier post, one of the doctors I saw for a consult suggested that losing weight before surgery would give me the best results since it would be less weight to be lost/potential loose skin later.  On the other hand, I’ve been chillin at a weight my body is clearly quite comfortable with for awhile now.  If I lose 5 or 10 pounds (well, 10 pounds is an adorable pipe-dream) I’d be going into surgery at a weight I haven’t been at basically ever and haven’t maintained, and maybe would suck at maintaining.  What if I gain those LBs back right after surgery?  Anyway, lots of thoughts, and I’ll probably just keep doing what I’m doing and see what shakes out.  I’m definitely not going to be bummed out if I don’t lose more before surgery.

I’m getting bloodwork and seeing my rheumatologist next week to make sure everything looks good to go and my doc doesn’t think surgery is gonna make my lupus explode into death or anything.  I also scheduled my pre-op appointment for Feb. 9 to go over all the final gory details (like quitting BC pills 2 weeks out and not binge drinking as much or some such) and then it’s surgery time!  I can’t wait to get so damn annoying talking everyone’s ears off about it every day for the next 7 weeks + 2 days.  YAY!

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Another day, another dolla

Day 12 of the old purification!  I’ve taken it upon myself to annoy the shit out of my roommates by frequently dropping the term “purification” and reminding them of what day I’m on.  There is nothing anyone cares less about than what you’re eating, why you’re eating it, or what kind of absurd hippy-ass name you give that style of eating, especially when it’s largely unremarkable.  I’ve quasi-failed on a few things, like only getting 4 servings of fruits and veggies and 1 serving of dairy yesterday but I’m not a miracle worker.  My sister kept yelling at me to shove 2 clementines down my gullet to finish off the F&Vs but I was just too fruited out.  Otherwise I’ve been fairly respectable with this whole shebang.

Looking at some of the side-angle pics I have taken of myself has led me to believe I have scoliosis or some such.  I’m not even really sure what scoliosis looks like but I feel like my spine curves in a bunch, or maybe I just have really shitty posture.  I wonder if I can ask the surgeon to shave my spine down while he’s in there screwing with my stomach.  Oh it doesn’t work that way?  Whatever. 

I was recently thinking about my reasons for wanting surgery and how I’ve always been an inexplicably confident person for the most part and have never had any issues stripping my clothes off and being all “DAMN RIGHT YOU WANT THIS” when I’m naked.  Even at 300 pounds it was like, you know what you’re getting, enjoy the show.  But in the past year and a half, I started feeling somewhat more self-conscious of my body, particularly my stomach, when undressing.  Not in that weird way where people lose weight and feel like they still see a fat person.  I don’t have that issue, I’m all “get it gurl, looking good” and have a pretty accurate view of my body.  But I came to realize that my naked body didn’t really match the clothed version; I felt like it was a little more untaut than one might expect.  So, between that and the fiery anger I have at my arms when I’m doing kickboxing in a tank top, I decided surgery was the way to go. 

Ugh I always feel like I should add some pictures when I post, because who doesn't like pictures?  I love skipping over all of the words and just looking at pictures.  But I never really have anything relevant to include.  So here’s a random picture of the Doritos buffet my sister got me for Christmas.  Party size is the only way I roll.

 And finally, the only thing more obnoxious than saying “purification” is the day-by-day countdown I’m now doing til surgery.  FIFTY-SEVEN DAYS.  Thank god it’s not a leap year.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Updates, blah blah blah

I’m here!  Not even a week in between posts, someone give me a fuckin medal please!  More importantly, today is day 6 of **Allison’s 14-Day Purification in Which She Basically Just Follows WW without Cheating and Wants Recognition for It**.  Adding those asterisks before and after makes it a real copyrighted thing, didn’t you know?  To recap, I’ve tracked all my shit, been real stingy with my weekly points (just for 2 weeks, then I’ll go back to full throttle points consumption), not weighed myself, not boozed, and generally made good decisions.  Tomorrow will be my 4th workout this week as pledged.  Some might say I’m a true American hero. 

It’s stricter than I’d normally advise being (at least for myself.. I can’t give up a lot of stuff all the time or I get sad) but it’s been a good change for a few days.  I’m eating all of my daily points, obviously, and eating tasty but healthy balanced meals (Turkey Chili Taco SoupMediterranean Quinoa SaladSweet Potato Breakfast Casserole, and Chicken Cacciatore) and just feel much better than I did a week ago.  Well I mean I felt really good when I was amped up on tons of champagne a week ago, not so good by Friday morning.  You know how it goes.  After that I’d like to still follow some of those principles but in a more moderate (lazy?) manner.

Surgery is officially moved up to March 11!  I thought about doing it even earlier but my skanky WW friend Kayla is coming to visit at the end of Feb so this way I can get the best of both worlds.  See, the WW message boards aren’t just good for recipes and weight loss tips, you also meet friends that you’re stuck with for life.  I would like to have this surgery tomorrow if that was an option so moving it up a few weeks is really exciting.  I’m getting blood work done on 1/27 and my pre-op appointment with the surgeon will be shortly after, so this thing is in motion now!  I can’t wait to watch 336 straight hours of Netflix during my recovery.

I took some slutty “before” pics in my underoos but will probably wait til after surgery or at least right before it to post them since I’d prefer to use them for comparison purposes.  So instead you can have my PG front and side pics looking awkwardly into the mirror.  You're welcome.

Not particularly helpful or glamorous but kind of shows the stomach and arms that I'm planning to have savagely severed from my body.  Hoping the next 9 weeks fly by!

Friday, January 2, 2015

New Year, New Me! Just kidding, I fucking hate that shit.

I’m not much of a New Year’s resolutions person.  It seems like the more build-up you give something you want to do or change, the more it becomes an event rather than something permanent.  I also find that people that get really into New Year’s resolutions are the type that I usually want to stab in the face.  All the same, January 2 happens to be the first day of normalcy after a month-plus of cookies and candy, peppermint everything, Christmas parties, New Year’s parties, etc. so I usually find myself trying to be a little more on my shit for a few weeks than I was in the weeks prior.

My roommate is doing a 3-day juice cleanse which I briefly considered joining her in, because every time I’m coming out of a vacation, holiday, or other occasion where I’ve been subsisting on Doritos and beer for 48+ hours I feel like I should jump to the other extreme and starve myself into submission.  But then I remember all of the other times I’ve done stupid crap like that in my life and how totally unhelpful it is, and how much I don’t want to drop a hundo to be a miserable bitch for a few days, and I’m like fine, I’ll do it the old fashioned way and just go back to my usual WW way of life.  I mean, it’s only been 2.5 days since I tracked and went to the gym, I think I can remember how that stuff works.

Anyway, in the spirit of still trying to make a more focused effort on eating healthily and tracking and all that good stuff, I decided to do a 14-day... we’ll call it a purification.  It doesn’t involve juice or shakes or undereating or overexercising or really anything else stupid, I just wanted to give it a fun name.  And it does involve massively decreasing my alcohol and junk food intake for 2 weeks so that ought to purify me at least somewhat.  Basically I just wrote down a few principles I’d like to focus on for the next 2 weeks.  They’re all things I should be doing anyway but a little stricter than I normally roll.  So, here goes, listed in the order of difficulty I perceive them being:

1. Track everything, every day- this one should be easy, I do this 90% of the time anyway but that means none of those lazyass days where I forget/skip.

2. Work out 4 times each week- again, this one should be easy since I go 3-4 times every week anyway, but for at least the 2 next weeks I’m making an effort to not skip that 4th one because I want to go home and binge-watch Game of Thrones.  Even though I do want to do that.

3. No scale for 2 weeks- this one isn’t really that important but I figure if I’m making other positive changes it wouldn’t kill me to take a brief scale hiatus also.  And I know when I’m on more on my WW game, I’m tempted to check the scale more frequently.

4. At least 5 servings of fruits and veggies and 2 servings of dairy every day- this goes hand in hand with meal planning.  I’m a pretty good meal planner but I’m making a better effort to have several veggies with each meal and I want to get back to eating/drinking more dairy. 

5.  Very limited drinking- I’m not really quantifying this because number 6 kind of does that for me.  I could just say no alcohol but I don’t like total bans.  So, we’ll go with limited.

6.  And the hardest… do not use more than 28 weekly points per week, and no more than 8 in a given day.  This really isn’t that major and once upon a time when I was losing regularly I tried to always keep my WP usage around 25-35.  Now it’s like, whaaaat you want me to not eat every point I have and then dozens beyond that?  The fact of the matter is, this is something I am capable of doing and did for most of my weight loss.  Just because I haven’t been gaining weight (well this week might be a different story..) doesn’t mean I should continue going over my points every week forever.  And it’s only 2 weeks.  If I can’t have that level of discipline for 2 measly weeks, I’ve really spiraled in recent years, regardless of what the scale says.

So that’s that.  It's my brain's logical and healthy answer when my heart says “juice cleanse, bitch!”  I just want to try to recapture the mindset of the earlier years on WW when I still like cared and stuff.  And looking over this list, we’re not talking massive life overhauls, just tweaking a few areas in which I’ve strayed.  I’ll try to update in 2 weeks to see if I’ve even stuck with this at all or if I forgot/gave up the following day.

LASTLY.. surgery is still scheduled for April 1 and it’ll probably stay that way but there’s a possibility I’m going to move it up to early March.  I might have to cancel my trip to Phoenix at the end of the month and I had been trying to wait a little bit to chew up all of my PTO.  But if I save those 3 work days I kind of just want to do the damn thing already.  So, that’s TBD right now but will update soon-ish.