12 days post-op, feeling like a person-ish again

I've almost made it to the 2 week mark and I haven't recently split anything open, fallen on my face, or whined extensively so that, folks, is progress.

I'm going back to work on Wednesday which I have mixed feelings about.  I mean, my feelings aren't mixed on whether it's time.. I wanted to do 2 weeks off from the get-go, I feel well enough to go back on Wednesday, and everyone at work is sure as shit ready for me to come back and handle my cases again.  But as of Friday I was kind of like "yay, work! routine! productivity!  I'm ready for this!" Today I'm like "ughhh, do I really need to have a job?  Watching TV can be my job."  Anyway, second to last day of lazy relaxation and then back to the grind.  However, I got giddily excited when I remembered I can't go to the gym for a couple more weeks so my days will seem shorter and more manageable when I actually get to like leave work and go home every day.  That will help ease the transition for sure.

I made some major progress over the weekend in terms of feeling overall better, more mobile, and more independent in that I no longer need to sit down while showering and I've been sleeping in my bed.  I stayed at my apartment Saturday to Sunday then came back to my parents' house last night since they have comfier couches to watch TV on, but planning to go back home for good in a few days.  I'm about to go drive for the first time so we'll see how that goes.  Oh and I can now fully dress and undress myself so that was good for both my independence and my dignity.  The suggestion of hooking my bra in the front and then twisting it around to the back was life-changing.  Apparently some people do this all the time.  Mind BLOWN.

Anyway here is a little before-after pic thing I jerry-rigged up after way too much time on Microsoft Paint because I'm a simple-minded gal.  The first pic is the morning of surgery (before) and the second is from yesterday, 11 days post-op.  I need to take some better arm pics but they look pretty decent too so I'll get that up soon.  I still feel incredibly swollen in this kind of indescribable way.  Not bloated or full or anything, just like there's a stiff water bed in my abdomen.  Does that make sense?  I didn't think so.  Do water beds still even exist?  Who knows.

I did it!

I've typed updates about 47 times in the past few days but then never finish or post them.  I'm bored senseless and have all the downtime I'll ever have in life but can't manage to complete a simple task.  So that's helpful.  Even though I'm pretty sure my lone reader (HI MEG) is getting all of this info from me on g-chat or text on an hourly basis anyway.  I'll try to just break up my posts, thoughts, and other worthless musings by day.

Surgery day... Wednesday 3/11... had a terrible headache and woke up in the middle of the night with something resembling heartburn which was still making my chest/rib area sore the morning of surgery.  And I couldn't have food or water, so I was pretty cranky.  I'd actually go so far as to say that my headache/chest pain prior to surgery was possibly worse than any post-op pain I've experienced.  So, that's awesome in retrospect.  Had surgery, went into recovery, then stayed the first night at a hotel next to the surgery center with an overnight nurse with me, which was clutch.  I know these procedures are usually outpatient but my pussy-ass was not ready to go home yet.  I took percocet every 3 hours that first night but more preventatively and because my back was sore from the weird ass angle I was laying in bed than anything else.

Day 1 post-op/Thursday.  Went home, real dizzy and lightheaded so walking was a challenge.  Very little pain and only took a perc that night to fall asleep.  Bad news was while walking back from the bathroom I quasi-passed out and hit my face on the ground.  Luckily my reflexes are so pathetically slow that I didn't try to put my arms out to brace my fall like a normal person would do, which actually may have fucked up my arms.  Nope, just face-planted and cut my cheek on my glasses when it hurt the carpet.  Beauty and grace, people.

Day 2 was pretty uneventful, and then day 3/Saturday was a BIG FUCKIN DAY.  My first shower!  And I got to take out my catheter and pain pump fanny pack thing I was sporting.  Yes that's right, I was wearing a catheter until that point which was really sexy.  Honestly turned out to be a life-saver though because I was barely able to get up and down that first first day and a half due to being a wuss/light-headed.  Still, by Saturday I was bored of having not only 4 drains/tubes coming out of my person but also having a catheter and pain pump attached to me, so it was nice losing that baggage.  Oh but then like 2 hours later I split open my left arm incision and it was DISGUSTING.  Didn't even feel it but let me tell you, if you saw this shit you'd lose your lunch.  Some kind of body part material was hanging out of my arm incision.  I have pictures but they are not for the weak.  Anyway, I texted the pic to my doctor and he was like, you're a disaster, please come in immediately and I will stitch it up.  So that was a pain but it was cool that he was so accommodating, though he did lecture me about not being a douchebag and moving my arms too much.

Since then... not a whole lot of action but getting better by the day!  I had my first post-op appointment with the surgeon on Monday and he said everything looked good and was glad I hadn't re-opened any incisions again.  He took out my arm drains so my bodily attachments are now down to 2, but did note that the stomach drains (which, TMI, actually go into my upper vag area) are draining a lot of blood so they probably wouldn't be coming out for another week or so.  

So that's that, one week after.  I have my moments of frustration where I'm bored, antsy, or hate not being able to do a lot on my own, but otherwise the surgery and recovery have been WAY better than I expected.  I really thought the pain would be worse (maybe because I didn't have muscle repair it wasn't bad?) or that I'd be homicidally bored by now, but I can't complain. Since Friday, I've only been taking Tylenol for pain and even that I've only taken once recently for a headache.  Who'd have thought?!  I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and wake up with my body exploding in misery or something.  

I've taken some pics and I'm pretty pleased but I'll probably wait another few days or a week to post them because my shape seems to change a lot and is perpetually swelling and bruising and looking gross.  I texted a picture to my sister and she was like, seriously you're disgusting, no more pics until the drains are out and you're not painted with bruises all over your body.  Little bitch.  I'll update soon maybe!

MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL

FOUR DAYS MOTHAFUCKAS!  Where have the last 6.5 months gone since I first daydreamed of this momentous occasion?  It’s coming at just the right time too because I’m massively in need of a day or 10 away from work, and it’s cold and snowy and I’m ready to have an excuse to not go outside. 

I’ve basically done everything I need to do at this point, and just did a big grocery haul to stock up on stupid healthy stuff to eat afterwards.  I really have no idea what or when I’ll be able to eat but I’m trying to stick to high protein and low sodium.  I apparently have it in my head that I won’t have teeth or the ability to chew because a lot of what I’m getting is along the lines of- smoothies, yogurt, pudding, popsicles, hummus, soup.  I mean, I guess that stuff is also easier on the stomach but I can probably branch out somewhat.  Apparently the swelling afterward is no joke so I’m really going to try to focus hardcore on watching my sodium.  Protein is to help your body heal or some such.  In my mind that means I should just eat like a pile of chicken breast for every meal.  It’s not like I have to be Atkins up in this bitch, so I’ll try to find some middle ground. 

I’ve also been getting all reflective and introspective about the surgery because I’m weird and like to zone out a lot.  I was mentally comparing this to my nose job when I was 19 and thinking about how much less thought I put into that surgery.  It was an easier recovery, for sure, but I also didn’t bother listening to much of what the doctor said or doing things to aid my recovery, and basically just let my parents take care of everything.  That all makes sense of course- I was just finishing up my freshman year of college and at a point in my life where I didn’t like doing adult things like making my own doctor’s appointments or paying for shit.  And whereas now I’m mapping out meal ideas for after surgery to aid in my recovery, back then I was excited at the prospect of not being able to eat for 4 days and losing a quick 8 pounds.  So I guess it’s cool that at the not-so-tender age of 31, I’ve become somewhat of an independent adult who is not a total dumbfuck. 

And even more weirdly, I’ve been having unexpectedly emo moments at the gym lately where I’m like, shit, working out is the one thing that I’ve been consistent at for a really insane amount of time.  I’ve been working out 3-4 times a week pretty much every week since February 2009 and I doubt I’ve gone more than a week without working out in that stretch, and even that is pretty rare.  Yeah, I’m fucking bragging, but I’m also having an unexpectedly weird sense of loss over the fact that I won’t be working out for like a month or more.  Like I seriously hate running and whine about it every single damn time I do it, but last night after I hopped off the treadmill I was like damn it’s going to be strange to not do this for so long.  And it’s going to suck hardcore getting back into shape after such a long break.  I’ve also probably used the reliability and consistency of my gym routine as more of a crutch than I’ve realized.  I guess crutch isn’t the right term since I generally think it’s a good thing.  But I started thinking about how many times I can vividly recall going to the gym after some kind of crazy or weird or bad moment in my life and trying to use it as a place to zone out or forget whatever happened that day.  I’m not saying it usually worked… most of the time I’d just get real mentally whiny about how much I just wanted the workout to end, but I definitely have made a habit of turning to a workout as a distraction when I needed one.  Anyway, I’m going to slap myself silly if I get any more emotional about exercise, so I’ll just leave it at that.  I know that I will actually really enjoy the break from the gym and though it might suck the first couple weeks back, I’ll build my endurance back up and all that fun stuff.

Ok I’m rambling, and I will probably ramble to holy hell in the hours and days and weeks of nothing I have post-surgery where I’ll be bored out of my mind and attempting to wax poetic about why plastic surgery makes me think about life differently or some shit.  So that’s what’s probably in store.  And I will post pictures very soon.  Maybe.

Entering the homestretch to surgery...

Fuckin a, 15 days til surgery!  I’m actually entering the “do shit” phase of the pre-surgery countdown and officially stopped taking BC pills and vitamins.  I actually had to hide both because I'm in the habit of taking them every morning.  I guess abstaining from vitamins will be an easier task than abstaining from beer, but things to remember just the same.

I’m also officially at the stage of trying to plan out my next couple weeks of work to make sure things are covered when I’m out and pushing everything else until late March when I return.  Coming back after a couple weeks out will be god-awful and it's not as fun as a vacation, but unlike a vacation which ends, this will be something I can be excited about for.. ever?  And the results should look better and better as more time passes, so it's like the gift that keeps on giving.  I've also bought pretty much all of the random things I need for my recovery.  And of course, I've progressed to the point of talking everyone’s ears off about it which is the most obnoxious element of the lead-up to surgery.  Luckily my parents are very excited about it for me and are insanely accommodating with everything and taking care of me after.  I’m also forcing my friends to come visit me frequently to keep me entertained.  I’m sure I’ll be bored out of my damn mind but I’m also looking forward to all of the down-time to watch TV and relax and dick around online with minimal interruption. 

The last couple weeks have flown by with some fun distractions so that I've actually been enjoying my weeks rather than checking them off in an effort to get to March 11 as quickly as possible.  That said, I’m still ready to get to March 11 as quickly as possible!  I'm not nervous at all for the surgery or the pain or the discomfort.  If I'm being honest, my only real concern is being satisfied with my results.  I'm kind of trying to temper my expectations so that I'm not expecting to look like Adriana Lima when I wake up from surgery (wait, is that an option?  how much would that cost??) but I DO hope the change is dramatic.  Plus with much I've been boring my friends to death with my incessant chit chat about this, I want to look like a hot piece of ass.  Is that so much to ask?

Suffice it to say, the next 15 days will be a very excited and anxious and impatient countdown to the finish line!

Pre-op appointment and other babblings

Sweet baby Jesus, surgery is 4 weeks from tomorrow.  Although, that sounds both soon and not at all soon enough, so I can’t really get THAT excited until we’re at least within a fortnight of this shindig.

Yesterday was my pre-op appointment which was pretty uneventful.  The doctor spent forever telling me how to prevent blood clots and then while I was trying to think of the vanity-related questions I had for him about the level of hotness I can expect post-surgery, he was up and on his way.  Damn him.  I don’t care about blood clots, just make me pretty!  He also gave me my prescriptions to get filled so that was exciting. I guess I should not recreationally use all of the percocets between now and then or I’m going to be in a world of pain which Tylenol will not be able to manage.  I also paid the balance, which I put on my US Air credit card because I wanted the miles, but it was really weird to see a credit card receipt for $11,450.  That probably still only gets me like 1/8^th of a flight to Delaware, but free miles are free miles.  I noticed that some of the blogs I read about tummy tucks and plastic surgery didn't list the cost noting that “it varies, get a consultation, blah blah I’m boring” but I figure if the reason I’m blogging this is to be helpful to others considering these procedures then it’s worth mentioning.  And also so that if I post before/after pics people can be like, “that boo don’t look $12k hot”.

In 2 more weeks I’m also supposed to stop taking birth control pills, reduce my alcohol, and increase my protein.  Only the last one sounds fun, because it involves eating.  Also, someone please remind me to stop trying to be uber-healthy because after that 4ish week kick of being super good at WW in January, I've been eating like shit for the last 2.  I’m definitely better off sticking to my usual mediocrity at all times. 

Lastly, I've now taken it upon myself to spend every Monday at kickboxing counting down how many more Mondays I’ll have my arms flapping in the wind, except there’s no wind, just flapping.  After last night (and assuming I go the Monday before surgery which is a maybe) it’s only… 3!   Here are said arms currently, the only before pics I’m going to show at the moment since they’re always somewhat on display anyway.  I think they actually look a bit worse in person because their wiggly-ness is more evident when they’re in motion, but all the same here they are:

 I hate that since the holidays I feel like I've been biding my time until March 11 arrives, but it’s hard not to focus on that.  I've still been doing fun things and being social and not JUST talking about surgery 24 hours a day but at the same time, winter isn’t that awesome and I don’t have any vacations to look forward to, so I kind of just want it to get here.  So, the countdown continues… 29 days!

February Shmebruary. That doesn't even make sense.

I really wish I had some cool updates on a more regular basis.  I keep wanting to write a post but then it’s like- sooo this week I feel really good about my flossing routine and I did my nails.  That's actually a lie, I didn’t do my nails this week and my cuticles look dreadful.  I’m the worst.

WW Updates:

I drank a lot of beer this weekend but went to the gym and stuff.  So.. life is back to normal? I know that the doctor recommends upping my protein a lot after surgery so it probably wouldn’t hurt to start working on that in advance.  Other than that, I’m not really planning to do anything different or special eating/exercise-wise between now and then.  I will try to keep working out 4 times a week up until surgery so I’m in as solid shape as I can be so I don’t die on the table or whatever and so that hopefully getting back into it after will be less tedious.

Surgery Updates:

Yeah I mean there aren’t really any, I just like to pretend I have important things to do every week to prep for a surgery that is still 5+ weeks away.  I bought a hoodie that I plan to wear to surgery since it’s longer and zips up and I don’t care if I get intestines on it.  Does that count as an update?  Pre-op appointment is next Monday and I’m making a list of questions to ask such as “what size are you going to make my new belly button?” and “I see in the list of pre-op instructions it says ‘cut down on alcohol prior to surgery’, please explain further”.   I’m actually weirdly excited to pay the rest of the balance to make it feel like it’s real life.

Life Updates:

Hmmm.  I made it into the month of February?  Is that a life update?  No?  I guess 2015 has been pretty uneventful thus far so rather than tell you about the latest puzzle in my life (that’s not a metaphor, as you may recall I really enjoy doing puzzles lately) I’ll just quietly fade out of this post.  I just realized I can underline my section titles to make them more dramatic.  Is that a life update?  OK I'm done.

Who doesn't like making lists?

I finally weighed myself last Wednesday after 3 weeks off and I was down 5 pounds.  I’m fairly content with that, I mean it’s 5 pounds after all and the last time I weighed myself was the morning of New Years Eve- I was surely higher by that Friday when I finally got my shit together.  I still felt mildly annoyed since 4 of those pounds were from the couple weeks before, and I figure if I’m going to be that solid with WW for 3 straight weeks that I should lose roughly 47 million pounds in that span.  It’s always hard to explain without sounding whiny and entitled but you know what I mean.

This week has been good also, insofar as I’ve tracked, worked out 4 times, had limited alcohol, stayed in my weeklies, etc. but I feel kind of puffy.  Clearly the universe is against me and I should just take down a Chinese buffet.  Or I guess I could just suck it up and be an adult about it and continue being healthy because it’s good for me and not because I need instant gratification from the scale right?  RIGHT?? 

Tomorrow morning I’m getting blood work done because I get it every 6 months anyway but also need it sent over to the surgeon before my pre-op appointment so it makes it feel more exciting than the usual run of the mill blood draw.  I’ve also started making a list of all of the things I need to get to have on hand after surgery, many of which are food related because food is my first and only true love in life.  A lot of them also involve combating constipation because apparently that shit gets real after surgery as a side effect of the pain meds and anesthesia.  I don’t remember that from previous surgeries so I’m hoping my body magically fights that off because, no.  Anyway, here’s my list so far:

- jello and pudding

- eggs and egg whites

- popsicles

- stuff to make smoothies

- fruit

- hummus

- soup and  broth but apparently you bloat like a motherfucker after this surgery so I might rethink this one

- Tylenol

- Arnica.. I don’t even know what this is but everything I’ve read said to get it and I think it’s good for scars?  I assume the doc will also tell me this stuff

- Palmer’s Vitamin E skin therapy oil

- all the gross stuff- milk of magnesia, prune juice, laxatives

- antibacterial soap

- ugly old person full butt coverage underwear (sorry but I just really don’t understand why these exist outside of medical use)

Then I also started making a list of clothes and stuff to bring over to my parents’ house, which is mostly just leggings, yoga pants, leggings and yoga pants.  And hoodies and stuff.  My dad just had hip surgery so he’s got some good gear for getting around when you're a disabled post-surgical disaster.  Though I keep forgetting that aside from my stomach, my arms will also be out of commish. Life is going to be a bitch for a few days, yeah?  I’m glad I’m having this thing in March when it’s still cold and I won’t be missing anything fun.

Can you tell I’m just really bored and ready for this surgery to just get here already?  January has flown by but winter bores me and it’s both exciting and torturous having this to look forward to near the end of winter.  Wednesday will be 6 weeks til the big day!