Couch life... Day 6

It's been almost a week so that's good right? I mean I'm still alive and healing and feeling good so those seem like positive indicators. It's a weird feeling to kind of just be finding ways to pass time and make the days tick away as quickly as possible. I sure as shit don't wish I was at work but fuck, not working is also not fun. I guess I just want to get through these boring days when I still have drains in and can't really go out anywhere and, if I'm being real, I want to get back to fun things like brunch and day drinking and beer gardening. That seems reasonable, yeah?

So I went back to the doc for a follow up on Monday which was 4 days after surgery and he said the drains have to stay in til Friday. Whomp whomp. But now it's Wednesday so I'm halfway there and it's not like I'm doing anything anyway where the drains are a huge damper on my life. I hook them onto a lanyard when I shower so I could do without that swinging pendant of bloody grenades, and they've also been a nuisance when trying to take some decent pictures of my incisions and post surgical thighs.

I will hopefully post some pics soon but so far the only ones I have been able to take are full-on clam shots. It's not like I'm modest about showing my shit on the Internet (for the right price I'd probably pedal homemade porn) but I haven't been able to shave my vag for a week so needless to say it's treacherous downtown. And also I guess it's just more normal to wait to post pics until I don't have 3 drain tubes chillin out maxin relaxin all cool, or you know, my beave in the shot. So maybe on Friday I'll have some pics that don't look like they came from a low budget snuff film.

Aside from spending my time taking genital selfies, mostly just watching TV and fighting with people about politics in Instagram comments, because that's the American Dream and stuff. Feeling good and going to try driving tomorrow, weeee! No pain and haven't needed percocet or even tylenol since the weekend, so recovery has been quite smooth so far. And with that, I've surely jinxed myself.

Post Surgery Day Dos

Damn has it really only been 2 days since surgery? It's not that it really feels like it should be longer, but the days go slowly when you spend the vast majority of time sprawled out in a recliner. I feel pretty good overall, and feel more mobile today than I did yesterday, but I still find myself pretty weak and exhausted after being up and about for too long. And "up and about" is really just like wandering around the kitchen or sitting at the kitchen table instead of on the recliner. Doesn't take much to wipe me out!

Pain feels slightly better today than yesterday. I took a Percocet at 7:30 this morning and haven't needed anything since, nearly 8 hours later, so hopefully that keeps improving. The only time I really have noticeable pain is when I first go to stand up from reclining which is a multi step process where I pep talk myself into sitting up then finally getting to my feet. But even that subsides pretty quickly, so overall it's not too bad.

Tomorrow I can finally take off my sexy crotchless bike shorts and SHOWER. I'm both excited for that and also nervous because I have no idea what the removal process will be like, plus trying to hold onto my drains (I have 3) and then actually get clean seems like an ordeal. Funny how your definition of ordeal changes when your day consists of napping, standing, peeing, sitting. I'll get through it. 

It's funny how I did all this for largely cosmetic reasons and to have some slimmer sexier thighs yet I don't really care much how they look at this point. I'll be more excited to see them in a couple weeks when the swelling and discomfort has subsided but right now I'm more interested in just making it through each day and feeling better and stronger. It's hard to really think of hotass thighs when you're covered in gauze and bandages and bike shorts and drain tubes but I know underneath all this crap they're doing their thing and will be looking good. Apparently the doctor also did some additional lipo on my stomach when he was redoing/lowering the scar so I'll have to check that out as well. 

I don't have major appetite yet but I've been onto slightly more normal foods at least. I had some sushi last night and matzo ball soup for lunch today so it's nice to be eating something other than eggs and toast. I forgot to weigh myself the morning of surgery, and probably haven't weighed myself in a couple weeks or more, but it's probably just as well so I don't feel inclined to obsess over how much weight I lose or gain in the following days and weeks. I can't even imagine stepping on a scale in the days after surgery and having one more pointless thing on my radar or getting excited about the short term weight loss from not being able to eat much while my body recovers. I'd rather focus on less superficial things like how my thighs look in a pair of trashy cutoffs, obvs!

I'm a normal person again!

I’m now so many days post-op that when I refer to it in days I want to slap myself like when people talk about their baby being 32 months old.  But sometimes I hate saying “I’m 6.14159 weeks out…”  But so anyway, today is the 7 week mark exactly so that’s easy math.

More important than the weeks, I can do everything a normal person can do again basically!  I had an appointment with the doc last Saturday and don’t have to see him again until June, so that means he is OK setting me into the wild on my own to do things and trust that I won’t die, start seizing, exploding or pop anything, etc.  He said I could start working out again, lay out in the sun, and basically whatever the fuck I want, or something close to that.  He said to keep wearing some kind of compression on my stomach and arms because the more/longer I do it, the better the results tend to be, but left when and how I do that up to me.  So, I ordered some Spanx-y type stuff that is less bulky than my fug Velcro binder, and figure I will still wear something on my stomach and arms most of the time, but may start to reduce it a bit.

I also went back to the gym Monday and yesterday and I lived to talk about it!  Monday was pretty awful.  It actually wasn’t awful in that I expected everything to feel messed up, and like my body parts were going to fall off or my incisions would burst open, but surgery-wise I felt fine and totally normal.  But my lungs started burning for oxygen very shortly in and I only got through 13 minutes before I had to stop and walk, although I did do another 6 minutes after that and it felt better and less murderous.  Yesterday I did 23 minutes, walked for 3, then 4 more, and I didn’t really feel that close to death any of the time.  I did go a little bit slower than normal but all in all, I feel like eventually I will be back to some kind of acceptable physical condition.

And, I’m going to Vegas this weekend and bought bikinis to wear in PUBLIC and I’m not nervous about it.  What is this shit?!  We’ll see how it goes.  There is still a pretty noticeable difference in swelling from morning to evening, especially after I work out, but it’s not that bad compared to horror stories I’ve heard.  Or to the swelling abomination I was experiencing in weeks 2-3.  I’m actually really glad I took 90 million pictures constantly because yesterday I was looking back on pics from the last 7 weeks and it’s crazy to see how much the results have changed and morphed as my body has recovered and the swelling has subsided.  I even put together a collage that probably took more time than it should have but it’s helpful all the same.  You can see how bad the swelling got in the 3^rd picture and then how it finally chilled the fuck out a little after that, which is when the doctor opened me up to wash all the nasty out.  I’m not sure how much more it will continue to change from here, but I’m really happy with the results as they are so if it stays as is, it was SO worth it.  This just reminded me that I need to post more arm pictures soon.

I had my second recorded weigh-in today and was down 3 pounds from last week which is confusing and will not survive Vegas, but it was 5 pounds lower than my lowest ever which I saw for 5 minutes in February 2013, so the number was like, SHIT, is this happening?  I had a decent week but drank a lot on Saturday so I’m not really sure why I’m down so much, but I expect to see it back up a bit next week.  Will try to post again soon!

Past the one month mark, KILLIN IT

So, the new drain came out at my appointment on Friday morning.  I had mixed feelings about that because of course I wanted that nasty sack of death out of my body, but it was also what helped me go from feeling like shit to being a functional human being again.  So, I was feeling pretty paranoid on Friday about how my body would adjust, and then Friday night the paranoia got worse when I noticed my body noticeably more swollen than it was that morning.  When I first heard of the concept of swelling after surgery I pictured something like bloating, like that blah stuffed feeling after a big meal, but it’s totally its own beast that I can’t really describe. The stomach feels hard and the skin feels pulled tight and it’s just an odd feeling. I should also add, my concerns weren’t aesthetic- I know that swelling is temporary and doesn’t reflect how I’ll look later.  Swelling is also totally normal but given how my body reacted to it the last time, I was mildly panicking that it was the beginning of the end.  Again.

Then I woke up on Saturday and it was exactly the day I needed to have and which totally validated my decision to have surgery.  Two weeks ago I was like, FUCK SURGERY.  Saturday I was like, should I get my tits done?!  I felt amazing and energetic, the swelling had gone down, and I was thrilled with how things looked when I took off my binder to shower. Here are some updated pics from Saturday morning. Aside from being very pleased with the shape, I can't believe how nice the left side of my incision looks (the right side is where he re-opened it to put the drain back in, so that will take a bit longer to heal). The random marks/discoloration are from the tape holding the gauze on which is a total bitch to get off, but I think all of the bruising is totally gone.

(Please don't judge the fugly underwear.  I had my mom get me some of the biggest ugliest underoos she could find, like legit grocery store 3-pack of Hanes briefs, to wear when I had the drains in.  OK fine, judge me anyway, I do too.)

I was already happy with how things looked but then had to press my luck further by weighing myself and was really excited to see that I was down almost 10 pounds from the morning of surgery. Some of that is probably from the skin removed and some of that is probably the result of not being able to overeat (and not going out to eat/drink for a month) so it may go back up a little bit now that I can actually eat and binge drink again, which I completely expect. I know I should avoid the scale for another couple of weeks since that money will fluctuate, but it still felt good to see. THEN, I decided to try on my normal jeans over my binder to see how that would go. I had tried on a pair of work pants a size bigger than my normal about 10-11 days after surgery and between the binder and the swelling, they were snug. Last week I was able to get back into normal work clothes, and then on Saturday my normal jeans were a little loose even with the binder on, so that felt amazing.

Anyway, I definitely went out and enjoyed myself way more than I have in a long time this weekend (i.e. drank all day and blacked out around 10 pm) so I’m pretty exhausted from that, but otherwise feeling very good and very excited about things.  Let’s hope it stays that way!

Day 29.. Holy shit it's almost been a month

I can’t believe it’s been almost a month.  Partly because it doesn't seem like that long ago but partly because in some ways I feel more limited and gimpy than I would have expected at this juncture.  But truthfully, I've been feeling so much better this week, even working full days all week, that it feels like things are good and hopefully will continue to get better.

Really my biggest limitation at this point is having a drain in.  It makes it kind of annoying to dress around because I need to wear a baggy/long enough shirt to cover it, though I could probably try more creative options for concealing it if I was so inclined.  I have my next follow-up with the doctor tomorrow morning and I’m hoping it comes out then, but if it’s still draining more than he wants, I have no problem with him taking a more conservative approach and leaving it in a few more days and avoiding a repeat of the last debacle.  It’ll just make my weekend wear a bit more challenging!  I’m planning to finally go out and socialize and see people and have a few-ish beers this weekend, and I’m doing that drain or no drain.

Anyway, in most other ways life is back to normal.  I've worn real work pants to work twice this week as opposed to just wearing leggings forever.  I've worn a baggier pair of crops in my current size and I’m currently wearing a pair of regular dress pants in a size up, but both have fit fine over my binder and the pants today have some extra room to give.  I imagine without the binder I’d be able to wear my normal stuff just fine, and probably could even with, but I want to be comfortable.  I’ve got enough layers on as it is. 

My curiosity also finally got the best of me on Sunday afternoon and I decided to weigh myself.  I’m glad I did it later in the day, after brunch, so that my expectations would be low and I really had no idea whatsoever what to expect.  I was down 7 pounds from the morning of surgery, but who knows if I will end up higher, lower, or right about that when all is said and done.  I was hoping/trying to wait 6 weeks before weighing myself so I’ll probably try to get to that point, or close to it, before weighing again because my body is doing so many weird things right now that it seems kind of pointless anyway.

I think my appetite is basically back to normal.  I’m still eating more boring meals but mostly because I have been trying to ease back into cooking since I’m a bit more tired at the end of the day, but I’m pretty close to normal.  I've also been sleeping well, and haven’t had any breathing/coughing issues since he drained the excess fluid to relieve the swelling.  I still feel like I’m several weeks away from any major working out.  I’ll probably start by walking on the treadmill or outside in another week or two, but running or lifting seems really difficult to fathom right now, so I’m not going to rush into that until I’m feeling good.  All in all, very few complaints!  Here are some pictures from Sunday.. a little bit of swelling but not too much, the hunchback is really sexy though.  Don’t look if the drains - or incision, or my existence generally - gross you out.

Going into surgery, I thought about the possibility of getting my thighs done sometime next year.  Then after the recent complications I was like, fuck this shit, no more elective surgery ever.  Now that I seem to be through the worst of it, I'm kind of like, well maaaaybeeeee.  And maybe a butt lift.  OK fine no that's too much.  Is it?  I'll revisit in a few.

Moving backwards, then kind of forward. I don't know. It's not really linear.

Things were going well, until they weren't. Last Tuesday (the 24th) I noticed that I had been having some majorly increased swelling in my stomach which I know is normal. I went back to work on Wednesday and that was the beginning of the end, work totally knocked me out but I went in again for about 7 hours on Thursday before going home and dying a slow death on the couch. Friday morning I almost passed out in the shower. Meanwhile, swelling had continued to get worse and it made it harder to eat and breathe normally. 

My doctor was out of the country last week so I tried to get in to see his partner last Friday but he was also not in that day, and I began feeling a little better. Saturday the swelling got worse and more painful and by Saturday night I noticed my stomach and upper pube area near the incision had turned dark red and Sunday morning I was peeing some blood so that's always fun. I texted the doctor who was still out of town but he called and looked at my pics and said it was a hematoma which is common and easily taken care of but would need to be drained.

So, this past Monday morning I went in to see him and he drained some of the blood/fluid right in the exam room using a needle in my stomach (which fortunately didn't hurt at all since my stomach is/was still numb from surgery) but said that because there was so much fluid he'd need to open me back up. So, that happened on Wednesday (with 2 really awful TMI days of non-painful but disgustingness in between) and he stitched me back up and now I'm feeling much better. Or more like, back to how I was feeling around day 12. Which is frustrating when you want to be feeling day 23 good. And I've got a drain back in, but honestly after the past week I'll gladly take that beast again.

Anyway, so that's been a bitch and I've had to use way more work days off than planned. On the other hand, my arms look and feel fantastic and the doctor said they've been healing really really well so I'm very psyched about that.  Here are some arm pics (right/top is from day 17, left/bottom is from today so swelling fluctuates some) and will update again soonish.