It's basically almost the end of 2016 if you round up

Damnnn summer is almost over, at least in the Memorial Day to Labor Day summer sense, I don’t do that solstice/equinox/whatever official calculation.  As always I’m happy about that because August is one of my least favorite months and it’s that time of summer that I always bitch and moan about being tired of the humidity and start crying for Pumpkin Spice Lattes.

In honor of it being almost 2/3 of the way through the year, I stumbled upon my not-New Years Resolutions about things I wanted to do this year, and figured it would be interesting to see how many of them I’ve done.  It also made me want to do that every year and see what kind of interesting aspirations I had in December and how much my year actually goes as planned.  So anyway, here’s what I had come up with, the 1-to-10 likelihood of it happening.  I’ll add the status of each next to it in obnoxious caps.

- trip to San Francisco in February (9.. flight is booked) – DONEZOS

- some kind of international trip, ideally not North America (3.5) – DID NOT HAPPEN. TENTATIVELY PLANNING FOR THAILAND IN MAY 2017 THO

- roadtrip to Mississippi with friends (6.5) – PLAN WAS FOR THIS FALL, BUT PROBS NOT HAPPENING

- mini thigh lift surgery (7) – YESSIR

- volunteer at DNC in Philly (8.5) – DID THAT

- trip to Oklahoma City and Dallas to visit fam and friends (5) – NOPE

- trips to DC and NYC to visit friends (9.5) – YEP

- date someone over the age of 27 (4) – DAMNIT NO, ALTHOUGH MY SLAMPIECE/BOYFRIEND IS TURNING 27 IN 9 DAYS DOES THAT COUNT?

- finish watching Sons of Anarchy (6) – YES I DID THIS ONE TOO!  I’M KILLIN 2016 YO

So basically I did the things that were highly probably, did not do the things that were not that probable, and kind of split the middle ones.  That’s not a terrible 2/3 of a year.  The Nos on that list are very likely to stay that way so I might as well start coming up with 2017’s thingz2do. 

My stumble through my blog also reminded me that this week is the 1 year anniversary of that godforsaken juice cleanse I did.  Good thing I did it cuz I’m so much skinnier and healthier and detoxed and better at life now, right?  LOLOL. 

Life is pretty much zipping along very well and very happily.  The thigh lift seems so far behind me now.  Once I was able to resume working out life went completely back to normal.  The only time it really crosses my mind now is when I’m applying Bio-Oil on the scars, and I still wear bike shorts under clothes sometimes, usually just with skirts/dresses where there is no compression whatsoever on my legs.  But even then it’s these weak-ass compression shorts that aren’t anything like those crotchless monsters in terms of compression level or discomfort so I’m not even really sure why I bother.  I think I like my left thigh slightly more than my right.  It’s fun having a favorite thigh.

Also, it occurred to me that I don’t even know that I consider myself as weight loss-minded at this point.  I know I’ve remarked on this several times before; how I kind of want to lose more weight but don’t take any steps to actually work that hard at it.  But now I don’t even really vaguely daydream about being thinner.  I can’t think of the last time I thought about hoping to be x pounds thinner in y months.  I hardly ever weigh myself, and not with the hope of checking the scale in 2 months and magically seeing a loss.  I just don’t really care.  I mean again, to be clear, if there was a weight loss fairy roaming around granting weight loss wishes, would I be like yeah please, take 15 pounds off my body, pref around the hips and OK fine, smooth out my lower back?  Of fucking course I would.  But I’m not even really sure that I could/would be able to maintain a lower weight at this point.  My MFP calorie target is set for 1 lb/week loss, but I’ve got a good thing going of staying within my calories 4-5ish days a week and going over my calories by 200-800 (or maybe more) the other 2-3 days a week and that keeps me maintaining at my current weight and more importantly, works with my life.  So I think I’m in a good spot.

That’s it for now.. I was going to close with a selfie or something equally stupid but I'm too lazy to even do that much.  Next time.

Stuff and Things

When the hell did it become mid-July already?  Shit is crazy.  Usually by mid-July I'm over summer and the heat and just want it to be fall, but this year it's kind of going too quickly and I'd like to hold onto summer a little more.  But not the heat, that shit can go.

My birthday is in 9 days and despite turning 33 which seems solidly mid-30s, I'm excited about it.  Mostly because I like attention and celebrations in my honor, and cake and beer and gifts, and all of the other good things that come along with birthdays.  My memory and this blog indicate that after my birthday and after August begins, I tend to go into some kind of mental/actual detox mode with trying to go out less, drink less, eat less, etc.  However, I absolutely promise that I will not be doing any juice cleanses or other such absurdities this year.  At this point, it's probably better for my bank account than anything else that I maybe just like, chill out and stay home now and then.

Weirdly, and happily, I hardly ever seem to weigh myself anymore.  I just don't really think about it.  I used to try to stick to a once a week weigh-in day, usually Wednesdays, then eventually decided to make it an every other week thing, and now it just doesn't even cross my mind.  I've probably weighed myself less than once a month for the past several months.  I'm not saying I deserve a medal but I remember when that was like, a BFD for me and I'd make it into a drawn-out dramatic challenge and then blog about it like I was accomplishing some noble feat.  It makes me feel like a normal healthy-ish person to just like, live and not constantly spend so much time and energy thinking about my weight.  I still track pretty much every day on MFP, but it's less about trying to be perfect and stick to my calorie target every day and more out of habit and trying to get a decent amount of protein and fiber, cuz apparently that stuff is good for you.

My thighs are lookin pretty fresh to death.  I might take some more pics at some point but they're pretty much the same as before, and I'm really happy with them.  Nothing drastic but they're smoother and straighter and I like it.  Also my stomach is flatter, especially on the right side, and I'm never gonna complain about that!  I'm back to my normal workout routine.  I started back with running a couple weeks ago then added kickboxing and other classes last week, and everything feels good.  The transition back was much quicker and easier this time around, thank god.  I'm too lazy and unmotivated to have to deal with adversity in that (or any) regard.

This was a really boring and uneventful life update but figured I should check in.  Now that I'm done with the plastic surgery/skin removal chapter of my life, it's possible I will never ever post again.  But hopefully that's not the case! 

13 days post-op, 3rd day back at the jobski

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I had surgery but it feels like it's been about a month, which isn't to say it has been bad.  I think it's more that since the drains came out last Friday (day 8) life has felt pretty back to normal.  Well, aside from wearing bike shorts 22.5 hours a day including while I'm peeing, and the fact that my inner thighs look like an SVU episode.  I didn't realize how bad the bruising still was until wearing a skirt to work yesterday and my boss gasped in horror.  Pants it is, this week.  

For the most part though, I feel great.  Too great, probably, because it's harder to remember to take it easy when you feel so back to normal.  On Saturday I was a mix of feeling good and feeling restless from being stuck in my parents' house in the burbs for 9 days  so I went back to Philly and spent 11 hours out and about beer-gardening and eating delicious junk and walking more than I should have.  This after not having left the house other than to go to the doctor and one lunch out with my parents.  Nevertheless, I felt good on Saturday and managed to still feel good on Sunday other than being a little sleep and mildly hungover.  That said, I don't want to press my luck so I've been taking it easy all week since then.  Except the whole having to be at work thing, but even that hasn't been bad.  I know I'm not out of the woods yet but am at least very happy to be doing so well so far.

I took some pics yesterday morning although apparently I suck at taking pics based on the angles and lighting and picture quality and everything else relevant so I'll try to do some new ones soon.  I think they show the shape well enough though, and the incision doesn't go that far down so you can basically see all the important shit.  I'm also posting another before pic that I took the morning of surgery to highlight what was really the biggest or only thing motivating this surgery.  As you can see, I had some major lumps of squishy loose skin/flesh/whatever in my upper inner thighs.  I'm not saying it was worst thing that could happen to a person, but I felt pretty confident that shit wasn't going away on its own, even if I did ever manage to squeeze off a few more pounds.  I didn't get this surgery hoping for a thigh gap or supermodel gams.  Just no hanging pockets of loose thigh flesh, ya dig?  

Before pic - i.e. squishy thigh jawns

After pics- day 12.. slightly less squishy

Also, here's a close up in case you were like, I really want to see what this incision looks like. As you can see, it runs along the groinal region and down the inner thighs a few inches.

So there you have it.  I was starting to get a little worried going in to this surgery because I read a number of stories from people that had the thigh lift, arm lift and tummy tuck in various stages and many said the thighs were the worst in terms of pain and incisions busting open.  I could still run in to complications but I was pleased with how quickly the pain subsided (and wasn't that bad to begin with) and how much more mobile I was earlier on this time.  

I'm really going to love going back and reading this post when I inevitably collapse in a stairwell this time next week with a host of medical problems, but for now- feeling good!

Couch life... Day 6

It's been almost a week so that's good right? I mean I'm still alive and healing and feeling good so those seem like positive indicators. It's a weird feeling to kind of just be finding ways to pass time and make the days tick away as quickly as possible. I sure as shit don't wish I was at work but fuck, not working is also not fun. I guess I just want to get through these boring days when I still have drains in and can't really go out anywhere and, if I'm being real, I want to get back to fun things like brunch and day drinking and beer gardening. That seems reasonable, yeah?

So I went back to the doc for a follow up on Monday which was 4 days after surgery and he said the drains have to stay in til Friday. Whomp whomp. But now it's Wednesday so I'm halfway there and it's not like I'm doing anything anyway where the drains are a huge damper on my life. I hook them onto a lanyard when I shower so I could do without that swinging pendant of bloody grenades, and they've also been a nuisance when trying to take some decent pictures of my incisions and post surgical thighs.

I will hopefully post some pics soon but so far the only ones I have been able to take are full-on clam shots. It's not like I'm modest about showing my shit on the Internet (for the right price I'd probably pedal homemade porn) but I haven't been able to shave my vag for a week so needless to say it's treacherous downtown. And also I guess it's just more normal to wait to post pics until I don't have 3 drain tubes chillin out maxin relaxin all cool, or you know, my beave in the shot. So maybe on Friday I'll have some pics that don't look like they came from a low budget snuff film.

Aside from spending my time taking genital selfies, mostly just watching TV and fighting with people about politics in Instagram comments, because that's the American Dream and stuff. Feeling good and going to try driving tomorrow, weeee! No pain and haven't needed percocet or even tylenol since the weekend, so recovery has been quite smooth so far. And with that, I've surely jinxed myself.

Post Surgery Day Dos

Damn has it really only been 2 days since surgery? It's not that it really feels like it should be longer, but the days go slowly when you spend the vast majority of time sprawled out in a recliner. I feel pretty good overall, and feel more mobile today than I did yesterday, but I still find myself pretty weak and exhausted after being up and about for too long. And "up and about" is really just like wandering around the kitchen or sitting at the kitchen table instead of on the recliner. Doesn't take much to wipe me out!

Pain feels slightly better today than yesterday. I took a Percocet at 7:30 this morning and haven't needed anything since, nearly 8 hours later, so hopefully that keeps improving. The only time I really have noticeable pain is when I first go to stand up from reclining which is a multi step process where I pep talk myself into sitting up then finally getting to my feet. But even that subsides pretty quickly, so overall it's not too bad.

Tomorrow I can finally take off my sexy crotchless bike shorts and SHOWER. I'm both excited for that and also nervous because I have no idea what the removal process will be like, plus trying to hold onto my drains (I have 3) and then actually get clean seems like an ordeal. Funny how your definition of ordeal changes when your day consists of napping, standing, peeing, sitting. I'll get through it. 

It's funny how I did all this for largely cosmetic reasons and to have some slimmer sexier thighs yet I don't really care much how they look at this point. I'll be more excited to see them in a couple weeks when the swelling and discomfort has subsided but right now I'm more interested in just making it through each day and feeling better and stronger. It's hard to really think of hotass thighs when you're covered in gauze and bandages and bike shorts and drain tubes but I know underneath all this crap they're doing their thing and will be looking good. Apparently the doctor also did some additional lipo on my stomach when he was redoing/lowering the scar so I'll have to check that out as well. 

I don't have major appetite yet but I've been onto slightly more normal foods at least. I had some sushi last night and matzo ball soup for lunch today so it's nice to be eating something other than eggs and toast. I forgot to weigh myself the morning of surgery, and probably haven't weighed myself in a couple weeks or more, but it's probably just as well so I don't feel inclined to obsess over how much weight I lose or gain in the following days and weeks. I can't even imagine stepping on a scale in the days after surgery and having one more pointless thing on my radar or getting excited about the short term weight loss from not being able to eat much while my body recovers. I'd rather focus on less superficial things like how my thighs look in a pair of trashy cutoffs, obvs!

Post-Op Straight Chillin

Surgery is behind me, WUTT. It kind of just crept up on me with very little fuss or shenans beforehand since I didn't tell many people about it until this week and I realized most of my planning last go-round was overkill.  I mean, last year's "last supper"-esque dinner with my roommates and "last weekend before I get cut up" bar crawl were fun but perhaps unnecessary. So I tried to maintain a bit more of an under the radar approach this time, which is somewhat unprecedented for my attention craving self.

Surgery felt quick and straightforward. I was supposed to be there at 10:30 but was told surgery not be for awhile after. I got there early, a little after 10, and was taken back to change and get an IV by 10:20 or so, and went in for pics, getting all markered up, then surgery shortly after 11. And then woke up in recovery sporting some sexy crotchless bike shorts a few hours later. General anesthesia is magical like that. 

Unlike last time I didn't have to spend the first night in a hotel with a nurse so I was back at my parents' house by 4:30 or so yesterday. I felt much more alert and able to move around on my own a lot better this time whereas last time I kept passing out trying to walk to the bathroom. I'd say the pain is a bit worse this time, but I also had a sweetass "pain buster" fannypack thing I wore last time that delivered some kind of pain relief stuff right to the incisions. Even still, the pain hasn't been terrible, maybe a 4 out of 10, and managed pretty well with Percocet as needed.

Back to the crotchless bike shorts (everyone should really have a pair for foreplay if nothing else)... very grateful for them. Trying to unhook my drains and yank these bitches down every time I have to pee would be nightmarish. And I think I've managed to only minimally pee on myself so far. You're welcome!

So that's about it so far. I must have had a tube down my throat because my throat has been sore and swallowing is hard (life motto) so mostly just eating eggs and yogurt so far. I'm heading to the surgeon in about an hour for a follow-up so I'm hoping I haven't popped any stitches or fucked up anything in the first 16ish hours post-op. Will update later!

Exercise Shmexercise

After having my exercise routine disrupted for the past month or so and being limited in what I could do, and then having to take 10 days completely off, I tried telling myself not to take exercise for granted.  Because, you know, being physically able to do shit is a gift and not being able to exercise also sucks, as it turns out.  I went through a similar mental exercise when I had surgery last year and actually briefly got emo about not having that constant in my life for over 6 weeks.

But as it turns out, now that I've been able to get back to my mostly normal gym and workout routine for the past week, it still sucks and I still dislike it and I don't have any new appreciation for it.  In fact I'd really come to enjoy getting to go right home after work and spend that hour and change laying in bed watching TV or reading Us Weekly rather than at the gym.  It feels especially annoying to be getting back into this routine just to disrupt it again in 2 weeks when I have surgery 2 and am out of commission for god knows how long, but I guess the silver lining is that in 2 weeks I'm back to lazy mode while I recover.  We'll see how much animosity I have in July when I have to go through this yet again but much more out of shape.

Oh and my back/spine feels good for now.  Apparently I have 2 partially torn discs in my lower back so the next step is physical therapy and then spine injections, but since the pain comes and goes and the doctor said it's fine to workout in whatever capacity doesn't cause pain, I'll probably wait til after surgery to start PT and figure out the next steps with that.  Damn I'm like a broken heap of old woman these days with my ailments.

Surgery is 2 weeks from tomorrow and just ready to be on the other side of it.  I was thinking the other day how I shake my head at the prospect of dropping tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding but then toss $17k at elective surgery in a 14 month span, so perhaps I can't judge.  But hey, surgery lasts longer than marriage more often than not- these scars are forever!  My thighs better look daaaaaayum good.

Monthly hello

Apparently I started writing this post a few weeks ago and, SHOCKING, never posted it.  So I'll just keep what I've got going since lord how knows it might take me if I start from scratch again.

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Hmm my post title probably sounds like some creepy name for getting your period, but no. It's just been 5ish weeks so I might as well blast out an update.  Except I don't really have any exciting updates so it's more like, here are some words.

I fucked up my back in some manner or another about a month ago, just before Easter.  It started out as a general mild soreness which I figured was yet another byproduct of my shitty softball swing or my inability to stay upright in flag football or perhaps questionable form in burpees.  I'm still not really sure where things went wrong but a few days later it had become pretty obnoxious and kept me out of the gym for 5 days before it mostly got better, then got much worse.  Last Tuesday I had to stomp out of a HIIT class early after doing god knows what to my back leaving me in terrible pain, then cried for the duration of the 20 minute drive home before not being able to sleep at all because laying in bed was such an uncomfortable beast.  Getting old is stupid.

I went to my PCP and then a spine doctor and I'm awaiting an MRI, but it has gotten a bit better since last Tuesday so that I'm at least able to run and hike and do a few lower impact things until I know what's what.  I also got a cold/strep situation last week that I'm trying to clear which is mostly just of lot of ugly throaty coughing, but sleeping through the night is overrated anyway, isn't it?

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Anyway to build on that, even 2 weeks later I still don't have my MRI results nor has my dumb cough/cold/strep/allergies/AIDS gone away.  So basically, the last 2 weeks have been a wash in the medical improvement arena.  My workouts have been limited to running and lifting, not sure when kickboxing might be back in the picture again.

Surgery is exactly a month from today.  I've kind of forgotten about it and partly debated whether to even have it, at least right now, but I want to just get that shit over with.  And I paid the balance today so now this bitch is happening whether I like it or not.  I'm excited for it to be like, 3 weeks post-surgery when I have the hopefully svelte new thighs but none of the drama or recovery, which I'm currently not in the mood to deal with.  My sister, god love her, is a drama queen and thinks this is unnecessary and I'm a surgery addict or some such, so I haven't even told her it's for sure happening but I'm sure her opinion will be a tediously long and unsolicited one.

Nothing much else in my world!  At least related to the limited and uninteresting topics of weight loss, calorie counting and the like.  I'll update again eventually, at the latest shortly after I have surgery and have a shit ton of free time.

Peeps season, pictures, and some other stuff

It occurred to me yesterday that Easter is in less than a week and I haven't yet consumed a single Peep or Cadbury egg.  Don't worry, it'll happen, and the delay is not because I've become some kind of sugarless health nerd, I've just been trying to finish up the Christmas and V-Day candy, Girl Scout cookies, and other sugary snacks hanging out in our kitchen.  More importantly, my old ass still makes my parents get me an Easter basket or 2 every year so I'll be getting the goods in just a few short days and I'm really excited to see what kind of new Peep technology is out there this season.

I will, however, pour one out for the Shamrock Shake I never got around to consuming this Sham Shake season.  I tried 1+ times to acquire one but apparently the 24 hour McD's doesn't do desserts at 2 am.  NONSENSE.  The fact that I get legit sad over things like missing the window for a Sham Shake is exactly why I'll never be skinny.   

Now that it's been a year and 11 days since I had surgery, and because the doctor wants to revise the ab scar, I figured I'd share some updated pics.  You can see in the first pic that the scar is less flat/faded on the right side and the skin on that side juts out a bit more, but in the second pic when the scar is covered it's not really noticeable.  Still, if I'm going to be knocked out and sliced open anyway, I'll defer to the doctor's judgment on that.

Isn't it funny how I would never in 100 trillion years post half-nudes of myself on the internet if not for having surgery (I'd just sext them to randos on Snapchat like everyone else) but doing something like this makes the whole thing seem more scientific and so I just don't care enough to feel self-conscious.  Although if there's anything I should feel self-conscious about, more than my imperfect body parts and my scarring it's my horrible selfie faces when I'm trying badly to act nonchalant.  But that's neither here nor there.

And so while we're at it... here come the really questionable pics.  The "before" thigh pics.  I feel somewhat more defensive about this surgery since a few people have expressed concern or skepticism about me having another procedure.  Even though I've explained to everyone 4700 times that it's really all part of the same issue, excess skin from weight loss, and this is the last piece of the shitty puzzle, if the puzzle was being sawed open and removed and sewn back together.  I don't think that's how puzzles work but you get the gist.  Anyway, I feel fairly confident that I don't have body dysmorphia or any kind of weird self-esteem of body image issues.  I'm pretty objective and know what's what.  For example, I generally find myself reasonably bangin and I've got some nice parts.  However, I think that reasonable objective minds would also agree that my thighs, particularly the upper inner thigh region, have some excess skin/fat that kind of leaves them a bit droopier than everything else.  Sure they might be improved a smidge if I lost another 10-15-20 pounds, but some of that is just skin from being stretched out, etc.  And losing weight is the hardest.  So anyway, here in all their excess-skinned glory, are my current thighs:

I think with the last surgery I at least felt a moment of hesitation and anxiety about posting the before pics, but now that I'm a seasoned veteran and have literally posted pics of my body with blood and gore-filled drain tubes hanging out of my incisions (TMI much?) it's like whatever, my thigh fat is nothing at this point.  As you can see, when my legs are together the upper thighs kind of just collide at the top (what's a thigh gap??) but when they're spread further apart you can really see how much extra skin there is.  Pictures don't totally show it, but that upper inner pocket is just much stretchier and looser than any other part of my legs, so I don't think that would go away without surgery.  Sure, I could live out my days and years with that there and would be fine.. I don't get rashes or anything fortunately.  But, I would like to rock some shorts and not feel self-conscious about that area, and now seems as good a time as any to do it, so then I can be done with this shit FOREVER.

So, there you have it.

Thinking of a post title is the hardest part

Here I was thinking it hadn't been THAT long since I've posted but nope, 2 months.  I swear I've at least started a post in that span, and I'm convinced that I get stumped by the daunting post title line.  Being creative is hard, and just calling it "TUESDAY MARCH 15, 2016" seems dry.  Maybe I'll just start going with rap lyrics that make it seem like I'm going to talk about something more interesting than fiber.

On the fiber note, I have been trying to focus on increasing my protein and fiber intake which sometimes seems easy and other days it's like ... OK am I actually talking about my fiber intake?  How old am I?  Holy hell.  

Ughhh anyway, so I really hoped to post something about a subject other than surgery prior to the inevitable "soooo I'm gonna have a thigh lift" post, but too late.  I guess I only get inspired to blog when I get to talk about something gory like having my groin split open to have thigh fat scraped out.  That's an appetite-killer if ever you needed one.  I was at the surgeon's office for a follow-up on last year's (I can't even believe it's been over a year, what have I been doing??) procedures and scheduled the thigh lift for June 9.  The doctor also said he wanted to redo/revise the ab scar at the same time because he wants to bring it a bit lower and flatten it more since it's currently depressed (as in lowered into the skin, not in need of Cymbalta).  This was not something that had even crossed my mind as I'm perfectly happy with the ab scar and it's not visible in bathing suit bottoms.  However, he thinks it could look better and he'd do it for free ("free").  I was on the fence initially but now thinking I'll let him do his thang.  It will mean slicing open the original incision again and having one drainage tube, but the doc claims it won't really affect my recovery time.  So, that's that in that department.

Weight, life, health, food, exercise-wise, all the same.  Which I tend to think is a good thing.  I had the same lazy thought that I had a couple months out from surgery last time that it wouldn't kill me to lose 5 pounds beforehand but I'm betting against that happening.  My body (or more accurately, my willpower and my beer/carb-loving soul) seems to like this weight, and I'm just not sure I have the motivation to really press forward to lose a few more pounds, even though I'd like to.  Damn, if I'm too lazy to even set a hypothetical goal of achieving something, I'm probably too lazy to achieve said goal.  Whatever man, I feel good.

I will try to update about things other than surgery but I really need to think of some better topics.  Otherwise we might as well wait til I get crazy enough to do another juice cleanse, and nobody wants that.  Lates.

2016

12 days into 2016 and I’m not feeling it.  I’d imagine this is more indicative of the annual post-holiday comedown combined with it being cold and busy at work more than an indication of how 2016 will go, but just the same, 2016 needs to get its shit together.  I type this at 3something p.m. on a Tuesday (my least favorite day of the week) where I’m on 5 hours of sleep and nursing a Fireball hangover and a Clemson loss so I suppose my opinion on anything might be somewhat skewed at the moment.  I’m really failing at my recent goal of trying to be more positive, aren’t I?

Other than last night as the obvious outlier, it’s been a pretty healthy 2016 so far.  I’m not being as regimented as I was last January when I gave myself a bullet pointed list of guidelines to follow for 21 days but the lack of major social challenges since New Year’s made it easier to hammer out some healthier meal plans and regular workout routines.  So that’s a positive.  See, I’m totally positive! 

I’m not usually into workout challenges because I’m not particularly motivated to increase my activity or really change my routine at all (32 years old and I’m already lazily set in my ways) but since I’m a huge nerd and love Game of Thrones, I’m doing a GoT challenge through the My Fitness Pal forums.  Basically anything where I get to sign up to be in a house (YAY HOUSE LANNISTER!) and make GoT references (<3 Tyrion) is enough to reel me in.  And I mean I can’t wait 3 more months for Season 6 to start so this is the logical fix, yeah?  I’ve also found that in the 2.5 days since it started, the challenge has been a somewhat positive influence on my life, and as we know I could always use positive influences.  Like today I’m hungover and want to go home and pass out on the couch, but I’m going to go to the gym because I know I’m physically capable of doing so and need to get some challenge minutes.  ALSO… the focus is on a balance of cardio, strength and flexibility, and lord knows I need to work on my flexibility.  That sounds dirty (albeit appropriate), but also I just don’t stretch enough and I’m increasingly achy when I work out.  The flexibility goal is 65 minutes a week and I think it will be good for me to try to spend more time stretching and doing some light yoga, and also work on a better balance of cardio and strength rather than just focusing so much on cardio.

So that’s my 2016 in review so far.  I’m going to San Francisco 3 weeks from tomorrow so that will get this  year moving a bit.  Until then, I’ll be diligently logging my workouts to avoid getting sent to the Night’s Watch, or whatever other adorably kitschy punishments are in store.

2015

Since 95% of the population is vocally reflecting on how their year went, while also waxing poetic about all of their optimistic and unoriginal resolutions for 2016, I also find myself thinking back on the year and whether it was sufficiently awesome.  I think it was?  I didn't really accomplish much in terms of adult things like buying a house or procreating or getting a promotion, but I did fulfill my 2015 goal to watch every episode and season of Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad and Sons of Anarchy (OK I lied, I got sidetracked after season 5 of SoA but I'll get there eventually...)  And if following through with my big plans to get skin removal surgery counts, I did that too and have been ecstatic with the results.  So yeah, it's been a decent year in my book, but keep in mind that my book is more like an issue of Us Weekly in terms of size and substance.

I'm not going to set goals for 2016 because the only thing I hate more than goals is people that fucking tell people their goals.  Just do your shit, don't tell me about it, if you know me at all you know that I only care about myself anyway and am only giving the requisite nods and "mmhmm awesome!".  But anyway, instead I'm thinking ahead to things I'm planning (or hoping) to do this year.. more as something to look forward to now that the holidays are winding down.  I'll assign a number from 1 to 10 next to each in terms of the likelihood of it actually happening (10 being the highest).

- trip to San Francisco in February (9.. flight is booked)
- some kind of international trip, ideally not North America (3.5)
- roadtrip to Mississippi with friends (6.5)
- mini thigh lift surgery (7)
- volunteer at DNC in Philly (8.5)
- trip to Oklahoma City and Dallas to visit fam and friends (5)
- trips to DC and NYC to visit friends (9.5)
- date someone over the age of 27 (4)
- finish watching Sons of Anarchy (6)

Well that's a decent start.  I don't want to get ahead of myself here so if I can do like 3 of those things that'd be solid.  

Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and a safe and healthy or whatever New Year!  Just kidding, safe is boring, have a dangerous and exciting New Year!

Time flies when you're doing the same stuff as always

Damnit, I was so good with keeping up with this for awhile!  It has been at least a half dozen posts since I've had to start off a post with some generic throwaway comment about how bad I am at updating.  I have taken pics on several occasions, and then never get around to posting them.

This week will be 9 MONTHS since I had surgery!  Holy crap that seems long, but then it also feels like surgery was forever ago so I guess it's about the right amount of time.  Despite how dicey the first few weeks after were, life returned to normal very quickly and I've just been up to my usual tricks ever since then.  I don't really know what my usual tricks are but it sounds more interesting, doesn't it?

Things I have not done since I last posted:  juice cleanses, any cleanses, run any marathons or half marathons or even pretended I would try, lost any new weight, gotten any more elective surgical procedures, volunteered my time for a good cause, really anything to better humanity.. so I guess same old, same old.  I have been cooking a lot!  And life has been fun and positive and mostly healthy, so all in all it's been a nice little fall.

Here are a couple of recent pics including one that shows the scar, so as you can see it's about the same as before I guess?  It doesn't really bother me, but I wish the arm ones would heal faster.  I am going to ask my doctor for any other suggestions for that when I see him next week.  I'm the same weight and size as before but feel like I look a little puffier in the current pics.  Maybe it's just the angle?  Or maybe I'm just a puffy ass person?







So things are good in the surgical department.  As any loyal hair followers can see, I dyed my hair brown in October which then faded into the above light brown color and now has some highlights as I transition back to blonde.  My god my life is taking some wild rides.

I wouldn't be opposed to setting some new goals (in life? in health?) but can't really think of any that aren't stupid (i.e. cleanse) or boring (try a new vegetable!).  Since I typically like to do some kind of new outlook which is probably similar to a resolution while I simultaneously don't call it a resolution and bitch about how much I hate people that do New Years resolutions, be on the lookout for something to that effect shortly.  By saying shortly, I have irrevocably tied myself to posting again in the next 30 days.

If I don't make it before Christmas, happy holidays to everyone!

6-month follow-up with surgeon, other things, maybe

I was reading back through some older posts including one from June when I posited that my 12ish week check-up would probably be my last.  Nope, 6+ months out still hauling down to Chadds Ford every couple months!  Despite my whininess about the early morning drive, I appreciate that the surgeon still wants to check my ass out and make sure everything looks aight.  The amount I paid before surgery is the total amount for everything including all post-op visits so it's not like he's getting paid any more for additional appointments.  I also heard that many plastic surgeons are notorious for lackluster or non-existent post-op care, so I've been pleasantly surprised at how much that has not been the case with Dr. Saunders. (I forget if I ever posted it but in the event anyone in the Philly area, or anyone period, is reading this, my doctor is/was Dr. Chris Saunders in Chadds Ford, PA and Wilmington, DE, and he has been fantastic.)

The doctor said everything looks fine and he still recommends using some kind of pressure (i.e. Spanx, compression garments) to improve results.  I started sleeping in my binder again pretty much every night a month or so ago, and if I'm not getting any it doesn't bother me at all to have it on at night, so I'll probably keep doing that.  Crap, just remembered I forgot to ask him if it's normal/fatal that I've been experiencing some weird pressure-ish tingly sensations in my arms near the elbow when I do body weight exercises like planks and push-ups.  I'll bring that up at the November appointment if my elbows don't fall off before then.

ALSO.. while there I asked him about whether I should separately schedule a consultation to discuss the possibility, prices, etc. for a thigh lift and, delightfully, he went through it with me while I was there yesterday.  More delightfully... he said that since the extra skin on my thighs is pretty much all at the very top, he would recommend just doing a mini lift/tuck with an incision at the top (as opposed to one running down my inner thighs) and some lipo on the lower parts.  That seems a lot less invasive, and he said the recovery is much easier than with the tummy tuck, and I could probably just do a week off of work.  A week!  Even if I planned for a week and a half, that'd be much more doable, especially compared to the 15 work days I ended up taking off last time.  Also, the price was a lot better than expected.  Like, I had a mental range of what I thought it might be and what I would reasonably consider paying, and what my absolute worst case but still maybe price would be.  Anyway, it was over $1,000 less than the bottom of the range I was hoping for.  So, after going back and forth about this for some time now, I would have to say I'm strongly leaning towards doing this, probably next April sometime.  And then I'm DONE.  I SWEAR.  The only other thing I was ever interested in having done with skin removal was the thighs, but couldn't do that with arms and stomach.  So I don't think this is something where I'll come back next year and be like, so maaaybe I'll get a Brazilian Butt Lift.  I mean not that I wouldn't like a nice big perky ass, but I'm done with slicing and dicing my body after this last bit of extra skin is removed.  And that's that!  

My sister and I have been really into hiking lately and trying to find places to hike in PA and NJ, where life is a bit flatter than in other parts of the country.  We went hiking in Valley Forge on Saturday and it was beautiful and amazing and between that and 2 softball games that morning, I'm pretty sure I still can't feel my legs and arms.  What else?  I made the most Allison possible recipe last night which is to say it combined several of my favorite things in the world into one delicious, fall-ish, comforty dish:  Pumpkin Alfredo Tortellini Skillet.  So damn good.  I'm very obviously a pumpkin whore, and tortellini is my jam, so when I saw that recipe I knew it had to come to life.  Tomorrow night I'm making orange chicken (I have a few recipes for this, not sure which I'll use but all basically variations of the same thing.. you just don't bread/fry the chicken so it's still really tasty but light) with Cauliflower Fried "Rice".  Then I'm staying in the Jerz with the fam from Friday til Monday or whenever the Pope leaves town and I can actually make it back to Philly again.

I guess that's about it for this fascinating week of my life.  If we're lucky I'll be able to launch into some new surgery talk in a few months and keep this bitch going a bit longer!

Is a pumpkin cleanse a thing?

UGH I have let way too much time go by with 2 juice cleanse posts hanging out there as my last written word.  Don't worry, no more of that nonsense.  Unfortunately I do not have a whole lot else to wax poetic about because nothing really inspires me the way pureed kale does, apparently.

It's mid-September so despite it still being hot and stupidly summerish outside, I've hit the pumpkin shit up full force.  As with every year, my first pumpkin spice latte of the year (PSL, if you will.. I swear to god I don't say that unless I'm trying to be ironic) reminded me that I don't really like "PSLs" but I still predictably adore every other pumpkin infused item that comes my way.  It's become such a cliche to love that stuff, but I really actually do because it's delicious.  And I really actually love boots and leggings and tights and scarves and oversized sweaters and leaves and all the other basic ass fall stuff that I could fill up an Instagram account with.

I've been eating moderately healthy as usual, which is generally to say I eat pretty healthily 5ish days a week and questionably the other 2, which are sometimes but not always the weekend.  So weight-wise I continue to maintain roughly the same weight for... 3 years now?  With a fun dip earlier this year after surgery.  Those few weeks when I couldn't eat were so svelte.  Since it has officially been over 6 months now, here are some pics that really show no change from the last few months, but no news is good news, which doesn't entirely apply to this situation but you get the gist.  

At this point it probably doesn't make much sense to continually post half-nudes when surgery was so long ago but in case anyone was wondering if there have been any changes or my skin exploded into a fiery mess or anything else weird, the answer is not really.  I will try to take some more scar pics soon but I feel like there haven't been many changes on that front either.  I wish they would fade a bit faster but I also wish my student loans would pay themselves so wishing is a pretty pointless endeavor.

Anyway that's that for now.  I'm still cooking a lot, working out, showing up for work on a regular basis, etc. so not much new to report.  If I ever magically manage to shed another 15 pounds I'll document exactly how I did it in 40 lengthy and self-absorbed posts but otherwise it'll probably just be these sporadic ramblings for the foreseeable future.

Juice cleanse part II - the riveting finale

OK, here's the rest of it went, and then I promise to never talk about juicing or cleansing EVER AGAIN EVER.

Day 2.  I've made it past the first day.  That's a win, yes?  I had planned to go to the gym this morning since I usually work out on Thursday mornings.  The cleanse gurus (I feel crazy just saying words like this) say to work out if you feel up to it but take it easy, and I'm certainly not feeling like I need to burn any extra calories.  But since it was only 1 day in at this point, I figured I'd give it a go.  Ended up feeling totally fine, and for the first time ever in the history of me working out in the a.m. (which is not my cup of tea) I actually felt energized afterward.  I think I was mostly excited I didn't die and wasn't chewing on my towel.

I tried blending juice 1, Morning Glory, with a packet of Truvia and about a tsp of PB2 to improve the flavor but no dice, still tasted like shit.  It was a little easier to chug though since I knew going in that it was going to suck.  I drank 3/4 of it in 4 giant chugs, then decided to have 1/4 cup of scrambled egg whites.  Egg whites are on the approved list and it was just enough to make it feel less likely that I'd pass out during my court hearing this morning.  Success!  Mood is about an 8.5 out of 10, life is surprisingly good for living on liquids.  

Same feelings about Spicy Pome Granate as yesterday.. tasty, a fun little switch-up with the cayenne, not doing much for my hunger.  My coworker just came back with a burger and fries from Five Guys and I can smell it wafting over from her office.  My other coworker also offered me some M&Ms and I started reaching for some forgetting about this cleanse and then I probably looked like I was having a seizure when I violently whipped my hand back when I remembered.  Ahh M&Ms, I see you.  Mood declining.

I started having my first headache of this experience around 11:30.  I've only had one (small) cup of joe today so after Spicy Pome I'm going to have some iced coffee and hope that helps. 

4 pm update.. I had some coffee, had my lunch juice which I drank like 85% of but then was just like, no mas.  Headache went away and came back.  Now I'm drinking my 4th juice, Acai Blend.  I'm losing steam quickly and feeling a bit out of it, not light-headed, just like I'm not really functioning at peak levels.  Definitely hungry and a little nauseated from the hunger.  I think my pee smells weird, in case you were wondering.  Mood score in steady decline since this morning.  Probably down to a 6/10 but at least I'm more than halfway through this charade.

Day 2 ended... somewhat lethargically.  When I got home I put on PJs and laid in bed watching TV for awhile, tired and not feeling fantastic.  At 7 I drank my dinner juice which was good (PB & Jus.. peanut butter, banana, strawberries) and guzzled it quickly.  I was definitely feeling pretty low energy at that point, not really hungry, just kind of blah, and incredibly glad there was only one day left.  I was debating not getting out of bed again and skipping the last juice of the day, but finally made my way downstairs to make sure I was still able to move and socialized with my roommate for a bit.  She was eating delicious looking spaghetti and meatballs and I sucked down 1/2 of my X-treme Greens juice, then decided to have another 1/4 cup of egg whites so I at least got something savory that I could chew, for all of 30 seconds or so.  I felt decent but sleepy, and I went upstairs and crashed.

Felt a bit better this morning on day 3.  It helped knowing it was the LAST DAY.  I also decided to cheat a bit today.  I couldn't do another Morning Glory without contemplating suicide, so I decided to make one of my usual green smoothies and have half for breakfast and half for lunch (in lieu of Sweet Spin, better than MG but still pretty unexciting).  I felt weirdly guilty about straying but the calories are comparable and I'm still getting spinach and banana, just adding some dairy (ff milk and greek yogurt, which also means more protein, which can't be bad right??)  Anyway I think that helped my mood a lot today and I definitely felt a bit more satisfied after breakfast, though my stomach was rumbling when it came time for Spicy Pome at 11.

I put the other half of my smoothie in the freezer when I got into work and now at 2:05 I'm still waiting for it to thaw a bit.  Surprisingly not that hungry though which is nice and unexpected since Spicy Pome isn't overly filling.  After yesterday afternoon/evening's slow downhill slide, I've been feeling good so far today.  

All in all day 3 was pretty decent, especially compared to day 2.  I went home and tried my dinner juice, "Matcha Chia" (almond milk, apple, mango, cinnamon, matcha, chia seeds).  I don't really know what matcha is but I know I will not be pursuing more of it.  Def the worst of the 3 dinner juices.  It was drinkable but at this point in the cleanse I wanted something palatable, so I end up tossing the rest and having egg whites and watermelon for dinner. I had half my Xtreme Greens, some more watermelon, then called it a night.  Or, called it a cleanse.  This shit is finally over!!!

The after-cleanse phase was totally fine.  I thought I would feel weaker on Saturday but I went to the gym and did a short run and body sculpt class and felt totally good to go.  My first meal in the post cleanse era was an underwhelming and overprocessed Lean Cuisine breakfast sandwich but it hit the spot and I was happy to be back to chewing.  I cooked and baked a TON over the weekend.. lots of healthy but delicious food.  It was a good way to ease back into eating again.

So, all-in-all, it wasn't the worst experience of my life.  Days 1 and 3 and about 1/2 of day 2 were fine, albeit boring.  The second half of day 2 was rough.  I guess if I had any qualms it's that it's a lot of money and I only enjoyed about half of the juices.  The Morning Glory juice they give you every morning as your first juice was gross enough to dissuade me from doing it again unless I could sub that one out.  It's not that I think the juices were bad quality, maybe just not my cup of tea.  If I ever even considered doing anything like this again (which really, why? I don't need to purify my body with liquid kale) I would be more inclined to just make my own shit and mix in more egg whites for protein.  Looking at the nutritional content of what I was consuming each day, it's just not a balanced diet whatsoever.  Lots of sugar, almost no protein.. a good amount of fiber at least.  But really, I could find better ways to make my body feel healthier in a more balanced manner.  I was down a few pounds on top of the previous loss on Saturday morning but I don't count on that staying off.  I didn't really do it for weight loss, more just to get my brain to focus on something, which I guess it did for a few days.  But I did it and it's over and I actually felt really good after.  Whether that is mental or a byproduct of the cleanse, who knows, but I wouldn't consider this experiment a terrible thing overall! 

THE END.

That time I did a cleanse...

Alright so, I have a massive confession to make, and that confession will also take up this entire post, and will be stupid long, so if you're looking ahead for something less idiotic, give up now.  I am doing a juice cleanse. As we speak. I'm judging myself as much as you are right now for partaking in this hippy vegan yoga bullshit, don't you worry. When I hear people dropping catchphrases such as "detox!", "recharge!", jumpstarting my diet!" and "getting rid of the toxins!" (like what are you eating normally, battery acid?), I'm always the first person in line to tell them they're dumb as rocks and then beat them in the face with a shoe.

But then of course one fateful night a few weeks ago, after my birthday/birthday week and days on end of subsisting on cake, beer and candy, I was feeling bloated and sorry for myself and magically decided I should embrace the thing I always told everyone else to stay the fuck away from because it's pointless and unhealthy: a massively overpriced and undercaloried juice cleanse. I impulsively purchased a 3-day cleanse on Groupon (from Jus by Julie... their tagline is "A Healthy Obsession".. which part of foregoing chewing and happiness for 3 days inspires obsession, I do not know).  $120 for 3 days including shipping, 6 juices per day, so that's not quite $7 per juice... either the price of kale has skyrocketed or they're printing money up in Jus-town. So anyway once that purchase was made, my cheapass was like, well now you've gotta go through with this shit. The only upside was that it would finally give me something to blog about other than that stupid surgery I keep yapping about.

I decided based on my gym schedule and what days I could probably most benefit from a lack of food, I'd do Wed/Thurs/Fri. Due to random commitments and plans I had to go to where whipping out a bottle of beet juice would be frowned upon, and working around their delivery schedule, I had to wait like 2.5 weeks from then to actually do the damn thing. For the record, they say you can order whenever and freeze the juices for up to 3 weeks for added flexibility, I was just too dumb and lazy to figure out thawing. So, I ordered it, then decided to actually stop being a fatass and eat healthy, so as it turned out I ate beautifully and nutritiously in the 2 weeks leading up to this cleanse, thereby negating the entire purpose of the cleanse. Thus, when the giant cooler-box of colorful liquid showed up at my office a couple weeks later, I was already like "fuck this shit, can I go back in time and un-order this, sincerely, Allison." I should have actually sent that email.

Wow, so many emotions and we haven't even started yet! The day before I actually started going through a spectrum of crazy thoughts that should be reserved for people about to go off to war, or battling terminal illness, not whiny basic bitches with a pornographic obsession for carbs. But alas, on Tuesday morning (1 day BC/Before Cleanse) I bounded out of bed and downstairs excited to make breakfast, then started getting legit sad thinking about how the following morning I would wake up and have nothing but a bottle of "Morning Glory" green crap waiting for me. Like 24 hours before the cleanse and I'm already getting preemptively depressed. Similarly, I spent most of that day bitching to the 3 friends I told I was doing the cleanse (the small handful that I figured would be less judgmental than I am about such things) how angsty I was about being stripped of my food and livelihood. Then, after I got home from the gym and planned to eat a sizable dinner as it would be the last solid food I'd get for the foreseeable future, I mostly lost my appetite. I mean not like real person loss of appetite, basically I still ate like 450 calories, but not the feast I was planning for and ended up a little light on my calories. So, just to reiterate, I was such a worked up nutjob about future non-eating that I inadvertently did more of it. Rough fucking start.

And it began. Quick background, you can have the following while cleansing: coffee (thank you baby jesus) with stevia (oh); green tea (nope); raw or steamed veggie greens (I'd rather just starve) and egg whites. Egg whites at least gave me hope, so I boiled a few eggs to keep at work if I needed to start gnawing on some whites, though out of stubbornness I intended to try to wait til at least day 2 for this. Sugar free gum is also a go so at least I'd have something to chew on other than munching  my fingers off to prevent me from going online and ordering a juice cleanse ever again.

Day 1
Upside is I got to sleep in an extra 25 minutes during the time I normally spend making and eating breakfast and reading Us Weekly.  Downside is I slept like crap and woke up tired and starving, not the power combo I was hoping for going into this thing. I made my coffee (black with stevia, not terrible) but waited til I got to work to dive in to the wonderful world of juicing.  OH and it was also weigh-in day, plus I wanted a before/after so I could at least see how many pounds of temporary water weight I violently shoved out of my digestive system.  Don't you fucking know I was down 2.6 pounds, a combination of actually having a good week and also being a few hundo calories below my target the night before.  The day you start a juice cleanse is not the day for an artificially dramatic loss.

Anyway, 8:20 a.m., first juice of the day... Morning Glory.  16 fluid ounces of "romaine, kale, spinach, apple, celery, banana, strawberry".  I went in thinking I wouldn't mind the green juices since I do green smoothies a lot and foolishly thought that was the same.  NOT SO.  My usual smoothies are sweet and taste like PB and banana and smiles.  This thing tasted like the inside of a sweaty hat.  I was legit plugging my nose, chugging as much of it as I could handle, then chasing with water.  BLEH.  I really thought the hard part of this would be hunger from lack of food, not that the juices would be so hard to get down.  The other juices seem more promising but now I'm worried.  I can't do 5 more like that.  The bright side is that it took my about 40 minutes to get through it, so if I have an iced coffee in a little bit the next course will be here before I know it.  Of course, if that one sucks, maybe that's not a good thing.  Current rating of how I feel about this godforsaken juice cleanse:  1/10

Round Dos.  11:15 a.m.. Spicy Pome Granate.  This one is master cleanse type shit, consisting of pomegranate, lemon, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper.  This is much better, though less substantial.  It's thin and not chunky like that last bastard MG, and although the backslap of cayenne at the end of each sip is a bit odd, I don't mind it.  It kind of feels fiery and fun, like it's waking me up.  Oh also, I had an iced coffee with stevia (and fine, a splash of milk) around 10:15, but I feel like so far I'm doing OK.  Between feeling a little nauseated and my lack of excitement for upcoming juices, I don't feel particularly hungry so that's a plus.  Mostly I'm a little mentally sad about not having any real meals to look forward to until Saturday more than anything else.  And my asshole friend keeps sending me pictures of cheesesteaks.  But this spicy pome is taking awhile to drink and quite lovely so it's a good experience.  Current mood:  Up to a 5/10, I feel better and less moody overall.

On to #3.  Almost 2 pm, later than I expected to last until for my "lunch" juice, but I went to Target at 1 and have not been too hungry, surprisingly.  This feels like a make or break juice because if I have another like the first one, I'm going to hate this shit forever.  Verdict is... not bad.  It's green, but this one is spinach, kale, pineapple, banana, mango.  I'd say the pineapple shines through the most though it's not quite as sweet and just slightly off.  And it has chunks in it, which I know it's supposed to because fiber and stuff, but every now and then it feels like I'm drinking hair.  But the taste is tolerable, I'm not chasing it with water, so that's a win. It must be the romaine and celery in the Morning Glory that is tanking it for me.  I miss the thought of food as before, but I'm not hungry, for now.  The taste of that one was just eh but it was easy to drink and the fact that I don't feel hungry or bitchy is a big plus.  Mood:  OK, we're up to a 6.5/10 because I'm not as miserable as expected thus far.

Drink 4 at 4:15.  I have to say I've been pleasantly surprised how not hard it has been to make it from one juice to the next without wanting to claw my eyes out.  I am a frequent eater, especially during work days, so the timing/number of juices mostly line up with the frequency of my normal meals and snacks but, of course, these are not normal meals and snacks, they're just bottled salad.  This drink is... Chia Berry.  Strawberries, chia seeds, lemon, pomegranate.  I'm cool with this one.  It's sweet and fruity, it has seeds (obviously) floating around but they're not bothersome.  I don't like this one as much as the Spicy Pome (my favorite so far) but it's in second place.  This one also feels more substantial so I'm hoping it holds me over til "dinner" (ugh, my life..) without too much dramz.  I did see some cookies in the kitchen and briefly debated having one them remembered oh right I'm cleansing.  That has happened a few times, the mental letdown, but honestly not terrible.  Current mood: 7.5/10.  

Time for dinner!  Hahaha just kidding, no dinner bitch, you get more juice.  At 7 I get my Choco-Nana which is chocolate, banana and strawberry.  And it is divine, but I drank it in what feels like 2 seconds.  I would probably prefer just chocolate and banana without the strawberry joining the party, but still very good.  I have one more to go and I'm not starving, though I was before drinking this one.  Mood:  8/10

Last one.. X-Treme Greens, 9 p.m.  Based on my experience with Morning Glory I had been fearing this one but like Sweet Spin it doesn't contain celery or romaine, and has lime, pineapple, orange and hemp seeds to go with kale and spinach.  Turns out to be quite delicious and tastes sweet and citrusy.  Fine way to end the evening.

OK it's now Thursday but I better go ahead and post this shit because it is out of control long.  And I still have 2 more days of tedious play-by-play on a review no one asked me to write because I need a life.  But anyway, my feelings after day 1:  surprisingly feeling aight, not hungry for the most part, not lightheaded, at times even chipper.  I'm not entirely sure I buy into the BS of cleansing highs but either way I am just glad I don't want to commit mass murder or anything so far.

An update in the life and history of my vegetable consumption

I have always been quite clear about my disdain for veggies.  Sorry but they’re gross.  Or that’s been my primary life outlook for many years at least.  The upside is that you can still totally lose weight and do so in a relatively healthy-ish and semi-nutritionally balanced manner even with such loathings.  I decided early on that forcing broccoli down my throat in the name of weight loss was not going to cut it long term, so I was better off just eating what I liked, in moderation, and maybe over time I’d slowly learn to like some other stuff.

The veggies I liked in 2009:

- corn

- potatoes

- carrots

I don’t even count corn or potatoes towards my F & V servings now and really shouldn’t have then.  They have their merits of course, and at the time it was like, OK well it’s a step up from eating a container of butter or something.  Well I guess I never did that, but it is entirely possible that I counted McDonald’s French fries as a F/V serving at least once.  Other things I counted towards the F/V intake- tomato sauce; edamame; cherry pie filling; maybe popcorn.  I don’t remember.  I did eat some fruit at least, though I eat more of it now.  All in all, the veggie struggle was real as fuck.  The blog name “I Don’t Do Salad” was no misnomer, folks, I really did hate that shit, and still do in some regards. 

Anyway, I still don’t care much for lettuce, or raw tomatoes, onions aren’t my favorite, fuck celery and cucumbers.  But you know, I’ve gotten a lot better.  I go through a bag or 2 of baby spinach or arugula every week, I put onions and tomatoes and peppers in most of my entrees (I like them cooked, still don’t care for them raw).  I am all up in the winter squashes… butternut, spaghetti, pumpkin, I eat those on the reg.  I guess they’re technically fruit but whatever.  I don’t mind zucchini and sometimes eat zoodles, and I’ve become quite fond of cauliflower in many different forms.  I don’t adore broccoli but I have found myself eating it raw or cooked with some decent frequency.  With some of these, it’s an ongoing effort to add these foods to my diet and meals, whereas others I actually enjoy.  Either way, I have come a long way in my emotions towards vegetables. 

I’m sure the veggie lovers of the world are like, who cares you dumbass, do you think you deserve a medal for tonguing some spinach?  Well, maybe, is someone giving out medals?  But in an effort to try to think of positive changes I’ve made in my life aside from just the weight loss, I wanted to pat myself on the back for being less of a child and actually eating some greenery.  If only my child-self – who refused to eat anything at Thanksgiving other than mashed potatoes and eventually frozen pizza when my family decided to give up trying, because turkey and sweet potatoes and vegetables were gross – could see me now!  

Summer would be a terrible time for plastic surgery.

As usual, I really hate the month of August.  It's kind of like February, the last(ish) month of one of the more extreme seasons and I'm over it and ready for the next one.   The world doesn't need another basic bitch spewing excitement over her love for the upcoming fall season, but suffice it to say I could spew for days.  Aside from boots and pumpkin spice lattes, I'm just bored of the heat and bored of the summer and bored of summer clothes, and based on this list of complaints, my life is clearly too hard.

I was going to post surgery update pics at the 6 month mark (which really, at this point who cares, but indulge me) but it's been a minute since I've posted anything so figured I'd do like a 5-month and change pictorial update to demonstrate how things basically look the same (OK so I might be up about 6 pounds, sue me) and it's hard to really say if there has been much progress with the scars.  If I was better at lighting and taking pictures I might be able to get a better idea of scar progression but I'm not so I can't.  These are from yesterday, 5 months and 5 days tummy tuck and arm lift, a clear indication that I need more things to do on a Sunday.

 

Good old scar view.   The left side remains much thinner and lighter than the right side which the doctor reopened.

Just me taking selfies like an asshole.  But I'm so tan.

I think my results have pretty much leveled off at this point which is good/normal, and I only rarely experience noticeable swelling around the incision.  Per my doctor's instructions, I have been trying to wear and arm wraps and some kind of compression garment around my stomach (sometimes the velcro thing I lived in for the first month, sometimes just Spanx-type of stuff) more often.  He said it will improve the results and the speed of scar healing.  It's hard when it's 95 and humid and wearing an extra layer of crap, or wearing long sleeves to cover the arm wraps, is massively undesirable, so I'm somewhat spotty with this, but to try to at least where those fuckers to bed.

I really need to get my act together with eating healthily because I'm the heaviest I've been since before surgery, or was as of last Wednesday at least.  I've been having a good week but I need to string like, 2 or 3 or 6 good weeks together.  Most of my habits are good but the things I do badly, like make poor choices when I go out, continue to unravel the good.  In an effort to save money, but also to eat/drink more healthily, I'm trying to really limit going out to eat and ideally not drink more than one night per week.  

Here are this week's dinners:
One Pan Mexican Quinoa with Cashew Sour Cream
Bubble Up Breakfast Casserole
Slow Cooker Buffalo Pulled Pork ... kind of a variation of this but with less butter, and I'll probably have it in soft tacos.
Falafel Burgers with a baked sweet potato

I don't mean this is a subtle-brag kind of way (though I do love to brag), but it's kind of hard for me to change my habits when most of what I do is actually pretty good.  Like every single week, even the bad ones, I meal plan and cook and make healthy dinners and go to the gym.  But then I have those 2 or 3 nights a week that are extra bad that undo the good from the other days.  Of course, the obvious solution to changing my habits is to just like, not have 2-3 bad nights a week or just be less bad, or just shut the fuck up about it because I've been saying the same thing for years now and clearly not doing anything about it.  So, I'm not sure what my solution is, but I'm always trying!!  Maybe I will check in here more frequently instead of just when I want to post periodic surgery updates and pictures, because that certainly can't hurt right?