It's basically almost the end of 2016 if you round up

Damnnn summer is almost over, at least in the Memorial Day to Labor Day summer sense, I don’t do that solstice/equinox/whatever official calculation.  As always I’m happy about that because August is one of my least favorite months and it’s that time of summer that I always bitch and moan about being tired of the humidity and start crying for Pumpkin Spice Lattes.

In honor of it being almost 2/3 of the way through the year, I stumbled upon my not-New Years Resolutions about things I wanted to do this year, and figured it would be interesting to see how many of them I’ve done.  It also made me want to do that every year and see what kind of interesting aspirations I had in December and how much my year actually goes as planned.  So anyway, here’s what I had come up with, the 1-to-10 likelihood of it happening.  I’ll add the status of each next to it in obnoxious caps.

- trip to San Francisco in February (9.. flight is booked) – DONEZOS

- some kind of international trip, ideally not North America (3.5) – DID NOT HAPPEN. TENTATIVELY PLANNING FOR THAILAND IN MAY 2017 THO

- roadtrip to Mississippi with friends (6.5) – PLAN WAS FOR THIS FALL, BUT PROBS NOT HAPPENING

- mini thigh lift surgery (7) – YESSIR

- volunteer at DNC in Philly (8.5) – DID THAT

- trip to Oklahoma City and Dallas to visit fam and friends (5) – NOPE

- trips to DC and NYC to visit friends (9.5) – YEP

- date someone over the age of 27 (4) – DAMNIT NO, ALTHOUGH MY SLAMPIECE/BOYFRIEND IS TURNING 27 IN 9 DAYS DOES THAT COUNT?

- finish watching Sons of Anarchy (6) – YES I DID THIS ONE TOO!  I’M KILLIN 2016 YO

So basically I did the things that were highly probably, did not do the things that were not that probable, and kind of split the middle ones.  That’s not a terrible 2/3 of a year.  The Nos on that list are very likely to stay that way so I might as well start coming up with 2017’s thingz2do. 

My stumble through my blog also reminded me that this week is the 1 year anniversary of that godforsaken juice cleanse I did.  Good thing I did it cuz I’m so much skinnier and healthier and detoxed and better at life now, right?  LOLOL. 

Life is pretty much zipping along very well and very happily.  The thigh lift seems so far behind me now.  Once I was able to resume working out life went completely back to normal.  The only time it really crosses my mind now is when I’m applying Bio-Oil on the scars, and I still wear bike shorts under clothes sometimes, usually just with skirts/dresses where there is no compression whatsoever on my legs.  But even then it’s these weak-ass compression shorts that aren’t anything like those crotchless monsters in terms of compression level or discomfort so I’m not even really sure why I bother.  I think I like my left thigh slightly more than my right.  It’s fun having a favorite thigh.

Also, it occurred to me that I don’t even know that I consider myself as weight loss-minded at this point.  I know I’ve remarked on this several times before; how I kind of want to lose more weight but don’t take any steps to actually work that hard at it.  But now I don’t even really vaguely daydream about being thinner.  I can’t think of the last time I thought about hoping to be x pounds thinner in y months.  I hardly ever weigh myself, and not with the hope of checking the scale in 2 months and magically seeing a loss.  I just don’t really care.  I mean again, to be clear, if there was a weight loss fairy roaming around granting weight loss wishes, would I be like yeah please, take 15 pounds off my body, pref around the hips and OK fine, smooth out my lower back?  Of fucking course I would.  But I’m not even really sure that I could/would be able to maintain a lower weight at this point.  My MFP calorie target is set for 1 lb/week loss, but I’ve got a good thing going of staying within my calories 4-5ish days a week and going over my calories by 200-800 (or maybe more) the other 2-3 days a week and that keeps me maintaining at my current weight and more importantly, works with my life.  So I think I’m in a good spot.

That’s it for now.. I was going to close with a selfie or something equally stupid but I'm too lazy to even do that much.  Next time.

Stuff and Things

When the hell did it become mid-July already?  Shit is crazy.  Usually by mid-July I'm over summer and the heat and just want it to be fall, but this year it's kind of going too quickly and I'd like to hold onto summer a little more.  But not the heat, that shit can go.

My birthday is in 9 days and despite turning 33 which seems solidly mid-30s, I'm excited about it.  Mostly because I like attention and celebrations in my honor, and cake and beer and gifts, and all of the other good things that come along with birthdays.  My memory and this blog indicate that after my birthday and after August begins, I tend to go into some kind of mental/actual detox mode with trying to go out less, drink less, eat less, etc.  However, I absolutely promise that I will not be doing any juice cleanses or other such absurdities this year.  At this point, it's probably better for my bank account than anything else that I maybe just like, chill out and stay home now and then.

Weirdly, and happily, I hardly ever seem to weigh myself anymore.  I just don't really think about it.  I used to try to stick to a once a week weigh-in day, usually Wednesdays, then eventually decided to make it an every other week thing, and now it just doesn't even cross my mind.  I've probably weighed myself less than once a month for the past several months.  I'm not saying I deserve a medal but I remember when that was like, a BFD for me and I'd make it into a drawn-out dramatic challenge and then blog about it like I was accomplishing some noble feat.  It makes me feel like a normal healthy-ish person to just like, live and not constantly spend so much time and energy thinking about my weight.  I still track pretty much every day on MFP, but it's less about trying to be perfect and stick to my calorie target every day and more out of habit and trying to get a decent amount of protein and fiber, cuz apparently that stuff is good for you.

My thighs are lookin pretty fresh to death.  I might take some more pics at some point but they're pretty much the same as before, and I'm really happy with them.  Nothing drastic but they're smoother and straighter and I like it.  Also my stomach is flatter, especially on the right side, and I'm never gonna complain about that!  I'm back to my normal workout routine.  I started back with running a couple weeks ago then added kickboxing and other classes last week, and everything feels good.  The transition back was much quicker and easier this time around, thank god.  I'm too lazy and unmotivated to have to deal with adversity in that (or any) regard.

This was a really boring and uneventful life update but figured I should check in.  Now that I'm done with the plastic surgery/skin removal chapter of my life, it's possible I will never ever post again.  But hopefully that's not the case! 

13 days post-op, 3rd day back at the jobski

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I had surgery but it feels like it's been about a month, which isn't to say it has been bad.  I think it's more that since the drains came out last Friday (day 8) life has felt pretty back to normal.  Well, aside from wearing bike shorts 22.5 hours a day including while I'm peeing, and the fact that my inner thighs look like an SVU episode.  I didn't realize how bad the bruising still was until wearing a skirt to work yesterday and my boss gasped in horror.  Pants it is, this week.  

For the most part though, I feel great.  Too great, probably, because it's harder to remember to take it easy when you feel so back to normal.  On Saturday I was a mix of feeling good and feeling restless from being stuck in my parents' house in the burbs for 9 days  so I went back to Philly and spent 11 hours out and about beer-gardening and eating delicious junk and walking more than I should have.  This after not having left the house other than to go to the doctor and one lunch out with my parents.  Nevertheless, I felt good on Saturday and managed to still feel good on Sunday other than being a little sleep and mildly hungover.  That said, I don't want to press my luck so I've been taking it easy all week since then.  Except the whole having to be at work thing, but even that hasn't been bad.  I know I'm not out of the woods yet but am at least very happy to be doing so well so far.

I took some pics yesterday morning although apparently I suck at taking pics based on the angles and lighting and picture quality and everything else relevant so I'll try to do some new ones soon.  I think they show the shape well enough though, and the incision doesn't go that far down so you can basically see all the important shit.  I'm also posting another before pic that I took the morning of surgery to highlight what was really the biggest or only thing motivating this surgery.  As you can see, I had some major lumps of squishy loose skin/flesh/whatever in my upper inner thighs.  I'm not saying it was worst thing that could happen to a person, but I felt pretty confident that shit wasn't going away on its own, even if I did ever manage to squeeze off a few more pounds.  I didn't get this surgery hoping for a thigh gap or supermodel gams.  Just no hanging pockets of loose thigh flesh, ya dig?  

Before pic - i.e. squishy thigh jawns

After pics- day 12.. slightly less squishy

Also, here's a close up in case you were like, I really want to see what this incision looks like. As you can see, it runs along the groinal region and down the inner thighs a few inches.

So there you have it.  I was starting to get a little worried going in to this surgery because I read a number of stories from people that had the thigh lift, arm lift and tummy tuck in various stages and many said the thighs were the worst in terms of pain and incisions busting open.  I could still run in to complications but I was pleased with how quickly the pain subsided (and wasn't that bad to begin with) and how much more mobile I was earlier on this time.  

I'm really going to love going back and reading this post when I inevitably collapse in a stairwell this time next week with a host of medical problems, but for now- feeling good!

Couch life... Day 6

It's been almost a week so that's good right? I mean I'm still alive and healing and feeling good so those seem like positive indicators. It's a weird feeling to kind of just be finding ways to pass time and make the days tick away as quickly as possible. I sure as shit don't wish I was at work but fuck, not working is also not fun. I guess I just want to get through these boring days when I still have drains in and can't really go out anywhere and, if I'm being real, I want to get back to fun things like brunch and day drinking and beer gardening. That seems reasonable, yeah?

So I went back to the doc for a follow up on Monday which was 4 days after surgery and he said the drains have to stay in til Friday. Whomp whomp. But now it's Wednesday so I'm halfway there and it's not like I'm doing anything anyway where the drains are a huge damper on my life. I hook them onto a lanyard when I shower so I could do without that swinging pendant of bloody grenades, and they've also been a nuisance when trying to take some decent pictures of my incisions and post surgical thighs.

I will hopefully post some pics soon but so far the only ones I have been able to take are full-on clam shots. It's not like I'm modest about showing my shit on the Internet (for the right price I'd probably pedal homemade porn) but I haven't been able to shave my vag for a week so needless to say it's treacherous downtown. And also I guess it's just more normal to wait to post pics until I don't have 3 drain tubes chillin out maxin relaxin all cool, or you know, my beave in the shot. So maybe on Friday I'll have some pics that don't look like they came from a low budget snuff film.

Aside from spending my time taking genital selfies, mostly just watching TV and fighting with people about politics in Instagram comments, because that's the American Dream and stuff. Feeling good and going to try driving tomorrow, weeee! No pain and haven't needed percocet or even tylenol since the weekend, so recovery has been quite smooth so far. And with that, I've surely jinxed myself.

Post Surgery Day Dos

Damn has it really only been 2 days since surgery? It's not that it really feels like it should be longer, but the days go slowly when you spend the vast majority of time sprawled out in a recliner. I feel pretty good overall, and feel more mobile today than I did yesterday, but I still find myself pretty weak and exhausted after being up and about for too long. And "up and about" is really just like wandering around the kitchen or sitting at the kitchen table instead of on the recliner. Doesn't take much to wipe me out!

Pain feels slightly better today than yesterday. I took a Percocet at 7:30 this morning and haven't needed anything since, nearly 8 hours later, so hopefully that keeps improving. The only time I really have noticeable pain is when I first go to stand up from reclining which is a multi step process where I pep talk myself into sitting up then finally getting to my feet. But even that subsides pretty quickly, so overall it's not too bad.

Tomorrow I can finally take off my sexy crotchless bike shorts and SHOWER. I'm both excited for that and also nervous because I have no idea what the removal process will be like, plus trying to hold onto my drains (I have 3) and then actually get clean seems like an ordeal. Funny how your definition of ordeal changes when your day consists of napping, standing, peeing, sitting. I'll get through it. 

It's funny how I did all this for largely cosmetic reasons and to have some slimmer sexier thighs yet I don't really care much how they look at this point. I'll be more excited to see them in a couple weeks when the swelling and discomfort has subsided but right now I'm more interested in just making it through each day and feeling better and stronger. It's hard to really think of hotass thighs when you're covered in gauze and bandages and bike shorts and drain tubes but I know underneath all this crap they're doing their thing and will be looking good. Apparently the doctor also did some additional lipo on my stomach when he was redoing/lowering the scar so I'll have to check that out as well. 

I don't have major appetite yet but I've been onto slightly more normal foods at least. I had some sushi last night and matzo ball soup for lunch today so it's nice to be eating something other than eggs and toast. I forgot to weigh myself the morning of surgery, and probably haven't weighed myself in a couple weeks or more, but it's probably just as well so I don't feel inclined to obsess over how much weight I lose or gain in the following days and weeks. I can't even imagine stepping on a scale in the days after surgery and having one more pointless thing on my radar or getting excited about the short term weight loss from not being able to eat much while my body recovers. I'd rather focus on less superficial things like how my thighs look in a pair of trashy cutoffs, obvs!

Post-Op Straight Chillin

Surgery is behind me, WUTT. It kind of just crept up on me with very little fuss or shenans beforehand since I didn't tell many people about it until this week and I realized most of my planning last go-round was overkill.  I mean, last year's "last supper"-esque dinner with my roommates and "last weekend before I get cut up" bar crawl were fun but perhaps unnecessary. So I tried to maintain a bit more of an under the radar approach this time, which is somewhat unprecedented for my attention craving self.

Surgery felt quick and straightforward. I was supposed to be there at 10:30 but was told surgery not be for awhile after. I got there early, a little after 10, and was taken back to change and get an IV by 10:20 or so, and went in for pics, getting all markered up, then surgery shortly after 11. And then woke up in recovery sporting some sexy crotchless bike shorts a few hours later. General anesthesia is magical like that. 

Unlike last time I didn't have to spend the first night in a hotel with a nurse so I was back at my parents' house by 4:30 or so yesterday. I felt much more alert and able to move around on my own a lot better this time whereas last time I kept passing out trying to walk to the bathroom. I'd say the pain is a bit worse this time, but I also had a sweetass "pain buster" fannypack thing I wore last time that delivered some kind of pain relief stuff right to the incisions. Even still, the pain hasn't been terrible, maybe a 4 out of 10, and managed pretty well with Percocet as needed.

Back to the crotchless bike shorts (everyone should really have a pair for foreplay if nothing else)... very grateful for them. Trying to unhook my drains and yank these bitches down every time I have to pee would be nightmarish. And I think I've managed to only minimally pee on myself so far. You're welcome!

So that's about it so far. I must have had a tube down my throat because my throat has been sore and swallowing is hard (life motto) so mostly just eating eggs and yogurt so far. I'm heading to the surgeon in about an hour for a follow-up so I'm hoping I haven't popped any stitches or fucked up anything in the first 16ish hours post-op. Will update later!

Exercise Shmexercise

After having my exercise routine disrupted for the past month or so and being limited in what I could do, and then having to take 10 days completely off, I tried telling myself not to take exercise for granted.  Because, you know, being physically able to do shit is a gift and not being able to exercise also sucks, as it turns out.  I went through a similar mental exercise when I had surgery last year and actually briefly got emo about not having that constant in my life for over 6 weeks.

But as it turns out, now that I've been able to get back to my mostly normal gym and workout routine for the past week, it still sucks and I still dislike it and I don't have any new appreciation for it.  In fact I'd really come to enjoy getting to go right home after work and spend that hour and change laying in bed watching TV or reading Us Weekly rather than at the gym.  It feels especially annoying to be getting back into this routine just to disrupt it again in 2 weeks when I have surgery 2 and am out of commission for god knows how long, but I guess the silver lining is that in 2 weeks I'm back to lazy mode while I recover.  We'll see how much animosity I have in July when I have to go through this yet again but much more out of shape.

Oh and my back/spine feels good for now.  Apparently I have 2 partially torn discs in my lower back so the next step is physical therapy and then spine injections, but since the pain comes and goes and the doctor said it's fine to workout in whatever capacity doesn't cause pain, I'll probably wait til after surgery to start PT and figure out the next steps with that.  Damn I'm like a broken heap of old woman these days with my ailments.

Surgery is 2 weeks from tomorrow and just ready to be on the other side of it.  I was thinking the other day how I shake my head at the prospect of dropping tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding but then toss $17k at elective surgery in a 14 month span, so perhaps I can't judge.  But hey, surgery lasts longer than marriage more often than not- these scars are forever!  My thighs better look daaaaaayum good.